Girls, if we get it wrong don’t take it to heart

THE FRIDAY THING: VALENTINE’S Day is, like Christmas and birthdays, a tortuous time for we male shoppers, forced to dive into a world that is nothing short of a total mystery.

Flowers are easy, as is chocolate, and an overnight stay at a favourite hotel is bound to please and earn a decent number of points.

But the points disappear again when it comes to shopping for clothes. Colour, style, length are all pretty straightforward. But size? Well, there you have me, and I suspect I am not alone.

According to research, men don’t have a clue about their partner’s dress size. Though 54 per cent of us have bought clothes for the woman in our life, two-thirds of men involved in a survey about such things admitted they had got it wrong.

And it’s not just size. Almost 60 per cent of mere men wouldn’t dare buy their wife or girlfriend a dress even if they knew the correct size; the odds of getting the wrong thing would be too great.

And showing just how desperate men get when shopping for their better half, getting on for 17 per cent of men said they had bought a small size as a form of flattery.

Of course it is possible to work out a size if you, you know, take the trouble to look in her wardrobe. The trouble is there are likely to be several sizes on show - manufacturing varies widely, and finished size with it. And what about shoes? Don’t even bother; just go for a drink and brood instead.

And FYI, onesies are not the answer...