Take a break and the world goes mad

THE FRIDAY THING: SO, I go on holiday for a couple of weeks, walking and climbing the glorious Cumbrian fells along the Eden Valley, and the world tilts on its axis.

The balloon of tartan bluster that is Alex Salmond finally bursts, leaving Great Britain in great good humour and with Scotland and England, Wales and Ireland as we were.

But if Alex Salmond is reduced to a shadow of his former self, slumped in the back of a car as though he was heading to his own funeral, he can take some comfort from the fact that at least the English Government is also having a dismal time, with only the “purrs” of the Queen to console them.

The wheels have definitely come off the Cameron government’s drive to fame and fortune, what with defections to the circus that is UKIP and the revelation that a Tory Minister, Brooks Newmark (no, I hadn’t heard of him either) has been sending pictures of parts of himself we have no wish to see.

At least a gross error of judgment on Newmark’s part; brilliant timing as the Tory party conference was about to start.

Where do they get these people from and who on earth decides that they are fit to govern us?

But that’s not all. We are suddenly at war and sending our soldiers and airmen into a battle that has no certainty of success.

Where is the United Nations in all of this? The UN role was always about bringing peace to the world but it now seems more like a talking shop for wannabee armchair generals.

And just to make your day, I can report that Abu Hamza is likely to be returning to Britain and possibly to a 15-bedroom mansion with swimming pool any time soon...


FINAL WORD: I have never made any secret of my dislike for the role of the Police and Crime Commissioners, who are paid £85,000 a year.

A total of £75 million was paid out to establish the crime commissioners when surely the money would have been far better spent going directly to the police.

Home Secretary Theresa May is giving voters the power to recall any PCCs who are failing and it is likely that the whole scheme could be scrapped with police forces across the country getting back the bulk of the money that will have been saved. It might have seemed like a good idea at the time but the role of police commissioner has simply not worked and has failed to justify its cost.