Time to neuter UKIP kennel

THE FRIDAY THING - JIM WILLIAMS

I HAVE been thinking about UKIP and the impact the party is about to have on the upcoming general election and the state of the nation thereafter.

I have decided that the UKIP crew are, in fact, the “Spitting Images” of yesteryear in that they are grotesque and, in no small way, in need of treatment.

Their leader of course treats himself with generous amounts of alcohol and cigarettes and I, for one, can’t blame him.

If I had to manage his group of misfits, unfits and loonies I think I’d rather go flying with Richard Branson in what’s left of his spaceship.

I do, however, have plenty of time for UKIP’s David Soutter whose job is to vet the party’s election candidates. Maybe he will be using his vet skills to make sure the current crop of Ukipites cannot breed.

Mr Soutter has been passing (or should that be wasting) his time conducting psychological tests on prospective MPs and MEPs and, in his own words, trying to ensure that they are at least “vaguely sane”. Now there’s a good reference for your next CV.

Despite Mr Souter’s best efforts (or maybe because of them) UKIP pretenders to the MP crowns don’t seem able to keep their trousers and knickers on. If the election was about sexual activity, UKIP would win it — hands . . . and everything else, down.

Scottish MEP David Coburn has been helping Mr Soutter to actually find potential MPs and MEPs but his verdict, thus far, is no cause for fear in Tory, Labour or even Lib-Dem ranks (if we can call three members a rank).

Mr Coburn said he had been carrying out research on his would-be members by doing tests to make sure people could string their words together.

And Coburn went on to say that examining one party stalwart was a bit like taking a big English sheepdog to a vet. With all the sexual activity going on in the UKIP kennel, Coburn and Soutter could spend the rest of their days by neutering all prospective candidates.