Oldham poets transform dementia experience into book of warmth and hope 

Two Oldham-based poets have turned friendship, care and lived experience into a poetry book that is raising money for dementia charities and offering comfort to others facing similar journeys.

Hilary and Rachel, both former primary school teachers and long-time friends, have published a joint collection of poems drawn from their experiences of caring for husbands with dementia.

All proceeds from the book are donated to dementia charities, including Dementia UK and Age UK.

Hilary was born and raised in Oldham and has lived in the borough all her life, teaching in local primary schools before retiring in 2012.

Rachel, originally from the Fens, became a primary school headteacher and later focused on writing and poetry after her retirement.

The pair met nearly 20 years ago through a local library writing group and quickly bonded over poetry, education and a shared sense of humour.

“Our friends joke that we’re twins,” Rachel said.

“There are so many parallels in our lives.”

Neither expected that those similarities would one day include caring for partners with dementia.

For Hilary, the first signs appeared just before the pandemic, during a birthday trip to London.

“We were in a restaurant and David kept ordering the same meal before he’d even looked at the menu,” she said.

“It was completely out of character, but at the time it just felt odd.”

As lockdown continued, those moments became more frequent. David was diagnosed with vascular dementia in late 2022.

“It became 24/7,” Hilary said.

“I wanted him at home, but he wasn’t safe.

"When he moved into care, it was his decision as well as mine. It was the right one.”

Rachel’s experience followed a different path.

Looking back, she can now see early warning signs during lockdown, but at the time, they were easy to dismiss.

“Bill was a very intelligent man,” she said.

“Dementia just didn’t occur to me.”

The reality became unavoidable during Rachel’s delayed PhD graduation in Manchester, when Bill became lost at breakfast in their hotel.

He was later diagnosed with Lewy body dementia, which can cause vivid hallucinations.

“Some days he thinks he’s watching cricket in Brisbane,” Rachel said.

“Other days, he believes he’s on a battlefield.

"I’ve learned not to correct him; I just go along with it.”

Both women say poetry became a way to process what they were living through.

As part of a weekly writing group, they found that whatever the prompt, their poems kept returning to dementia.

“It’s so all-encompassing,” Rachel said.

“Once those poems started coming, they didn’t stop.”

The resulting collection includes more than 60 poems covering early signs of dementia, everyday moments of caring, memory, humour and grief.

Despite the subject matter, the book is often uplifting.

“There’s a lot of warmth in it,” Hilary said.

“Caring is hard, but there are moments of love and even laughter.”

So far, sales of the book and poetry readings have raised around £1,500 for dementia charities.

“We don’t make anything from this ourselves,” Rachel said.

“Apart from printing costs, every penny goes to charity.”

The poets hope the book will help other carers across Oldham feel seen.

“People have told us they recognise themselves in the poems,” Hilary said.

“If it makes even one person feel less alone, then it’s been worth it.”

The book can be purchased by contacting Hilary directly by email at: hilary@chimpworld.co.uk

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