THE ART OF BEING COMPLIMENTARY: There’s a time and place for fake praise

It’s always nice to be on the receiving end of a compliment . . . and I have to admit, I tend to receive quite a few.

Regulars are: “As idiots go, you’re one of the best,” and “how on earth have you got a Mrs like that?”

Then there are those which are rare but memorable like: “You don’t half suit a moustache when you’re wearing a dress.”

A compliment is an expression of praise or an observation which paints a person in a positive light which is why they can be so uplifting. The whole point of being complimentary is that you make someone feel a bit better about themselves. You need to think of something nice to say and if at all possible, say it sincerely.

Depending on the compliment, a smile may be appropriate but don’t over-do it or you could be accused of being condescending. If that happens, I recommend going for the double bluff: “You know what, you’re really are intuitive aren’t you.”

Places to be complimentary are restaurants — if you’ve enjoyed a meal where you send a big pat on the back to the chef instead of a decent tip — and weddings, where you absolutely have to say the bride looks stunning even, and especially, if she doesn’t.

Wine is said to complement a good meal. Drink two bottles and it’s been known to compensate for a few bad ones as well. You should also add back-handed compliments to you reportoire.

At first glance, you’ll appear to be saying something nice when you’re just insulting someone.

The beauty of dishing out back- handed compliments is that society deems the receiver should react to them as politely as if they were genuine niceties.

“Thank-you, I appreciate that,” they’ll probably say. Plus, they won’t always realise the hidden offensiveness until they think about it afterwards.

And just when you think you’ve heard it all, you may receive pleasantries from the most surprising of places.

I once went into a pub and ordered a drink and when the barman turned round a voice said: “That shirt really suits you.”

I thought it was strange as I was the only person in there. Two minutes later the voice came again: “You’ve got a really nice smile haven’t you.”

I said to the barman: “I keep hearing a voice but there’s no one-else here.” Turns out it was the complimentary nuts.

Did you see that one coming? I thought you might. I always said you were cleverer than you looked.


Next week — The Art of being Festive.