Nation of swimmers in our pyjamas

The Art of Swimming
It’s a well-known fact that if you’re on a boat and it sinks, you’ve got a better chance of survival if it’s three in the morning on a fairly chilly night.

This is because it’s very likely you’ll be wearing pyjamas.

If you’ve got a brick handy as well, the likelihood of you making it to shore increases yet further.

Understandable then that treading water in pyjamas is the foundation on which our nation’s swimming capability is built.

Most people start splashing around as babies or toddlers before signing up for lessons where there’s a whole host of different metre length challenges lined up for you.

At no other time in your life will you try so hard to win a fabric bradge.

Swimming teachers have different styles. One at the pool I learnt at used to chuck his pupils in on their first lesson is a display of tough love.

A couple drowned but on the whole his approach created a generation of strong swimmers in tears.

Once you’ve got your 10 metres and don’t sink very often you can begin to learn different strokes and choose one which suits you best. They all involve moving your arms and legs about to propel you through the water.

Breast stroke is the most popular which is surprising with all the no heavy petting signs.

Front crawl is the fastest but it isn’t ideal if you’re wearing glasses while my favourite is back crawl but I wouldn’t recommend it if you’ve got crippling paranoia.

Butterfly is for real show offs who are trying to prove something and you can never be sure they’re actually doing it properly anyway because there’s so much splashing.

Every morning the pools of Oldham are full of people trying to swim in a straight line.

Some regulars always like to use the same lane and woe betide anyone who backstrokes across it.

They get really shirty if you dive bomb in the shallow end as they approach.

If you don’t swim regularly though, foreign holidays are where you’re most likely to get in a pool and have some fun.

However hot it is outside, you should never underestimate how cold the water will be.

Counting to three is the best way to convince yourself to jump in. If you get to 20 you’ll probably realise that you’d prefer to read your book.


Next week… The Art of Sharing.