Basket cases at the checkout

Pav’s Patch: I HAD one of those eureka moments the other Saturday. You know, where you’re suddenly struck with a great idea.

Mine came as I was waiting in the ironically named express queue at my local supermarket. How about a new television gameshow based on how much you can cram into a basket, because some people appear able to defy the laws of physics.

There used to be a time when express queues were restricted to people with 10 items or fewer, although I did once follow a bloke who had a trolley crammed with tins of dogfood, at least 25, and tried to claim he had only one item.

He got away with this scam, of course, because it’s quicker to overlook the problem than to compel someone to shift their stuff and force their way back against the crowds.

Anyway, on the day in question I was already annoyed as I had had to suffer a 10-minute wait as three members of staff struggled to work out how much a fluffy keyring cost. It turned out to be £1.

Then the man in front heaved his basket on to the stand and I couldn’t believe how much he had in it. He filled at least four carrier bags and I fought back tears of exasperation as I watched people in the other queues, who had gone to the tills long after me, speed past.

But at least he was able to pay at once and, unlike the average woman, did not react with a look of surprise and then start searching through his handbag to find his purse.

Of course the one place where express lines do live up to their name is in terms of the speed at which the girls ping the stuff through.

There was a time when they might have asked if you want any help, but now they fire the goods down the belt and finish while I’m usually struggling to open the first carrier bag.

Are these things designed to be impossible to use? Or is it a trick to make you buy one of their big bags? I’m not convinced by the “cut pollution” argument as you can have as many little polythene bags as you like.

My answer to this is to ignore the till girl and to carry on fighting with the bags as my shopping piles up. My wallet stays firmly in my pocket.

This generally has the effect of inducing her to grab a carrier bag and start packing for you.

It works every time although you may have to suffer the odd dirty look.