How to save £8.5m?

WHEN Dave Hibbert, Labour’s ferocious attack dog (mind your ankles there) sets himself up as peacemaker and Lynne Thompson, Miss Whiplash in charge of finances, turns up in a Santa suit we know we are in serious trouble.

It’s budget time.

Howard Sykes started us off with a “We said — we did” speech (he used the phrase 14 times in five minutes) but did it mean he said one thing and did something entirely different? That, not surprisingly, was Labour’s view and they were supported — at least I think they were supported — by the Tories but it’s not always easy to tell with the Tories.

The burning question was whether the budget, put together to cut £8.5 million out of council spending, had been approved by the council number crunchers and bean counters. Had it, in other words, been signed off, any sickness it manifested, cured?

Jim McMahon, in his best performance as Labour leader, clearly believed that the Lib-Dems’ sums were all wrong and that their budget was a dead duck or, to be seasonal, a roast turkey.

In an unusual step the head bean counter was summoned to give evidence on behalf of the ˜beleaguered budget and, no doubt much to Howard’s relief, declared it “robust”.

Suddenly it was panto time.

Jim wanted the council to go into closed session (kicking we, the people’s representatives, out on our collective ears) so that he could quiz the head bean counter on his definition of “robust” .

Howard and his team opposed it and won the vote so we stayed where we were (no chance of a quick cuppa or a large brandy).

Charlie Parker interjected to lecture the members on not upsetting officers of the council with nasty questions, criticism of their brilliant skills, suspicions or even fierce glares because they are, of course, all above reproach.

Then, bizarrely, Howard asked the mayor if he could have the session suspended so that the bean counter in chief could be politely quizzed on questions to which Howard knew all the answers, but the mayor, after consulting just about everyone except the council cat, ruled that he couldn’t.

The budget, poor battered thing, had already been through what they call overview and scrutiny where it turned out to be like the king’s new suit — only those who believed in it could see it. Labour were looking the other way.

Although the budget had no shortage of robust numbers, it lacked detail. In other words, the Lib-Dems seemed to have pulled £8.5 million of savings out of the hat without explaining what effect they would have on either the council staff (I bet Charlie is safe) or the rest of us, mere council tax payers all.

Jim McMahon said the budget read like the Lehman Brothers business plan (the bank that went bust and virtually brought the world to its knees) establishing himself plainly as more of a bust (no tittering at the back) than a robust man.

And so it went on through 20 speeches some for, some against and some both for and against. The poor mayor, at the centre of this mad maelstrom and hearing voices — he was being talked at and to from both sides — clearly wished he was somewhere else and at one stage, Philip Holley cried out in desperation: “Are you there, Mr Mayor?” He was, but oh so wished he wasn’t.

Jim McMahon tried one final ploy, to get the whole budget referred back to Overview and Scrutiny but even with the Tory support he lost the vote 25-28. Democracy? Who needs it, eh Jim?

So, in the end who won?

Victory went to the Lib-Dems, not least because Labour didn’t turn up. Or at least the Labour budget didn’t. It was the flaw — a gaping, gulf of a flaw, too — in all their arguments. How can you attack a Lib-Dem budget when you have nothing to show what would do instead?

The shortcoming rendered all Labour’s efforts as posturing and it is good governance, not petty posturing that Oldham needs now.

And a final seasonal thought. Howard Sykes said that Dave Hibbert deserved to go to the top of the Christmas tree for his role as peacemaker.

“We wouldn’t get you up there,” quipped Dave, coming over all sizeist.

“Not without making my eyes water,” said Howard on what was a good a point to end.

Have a merry, budgeted Christmas.