Fennel soup will never make good pub grub

PAV’S PATCH: REGULAR readers of my weekly ramblings will know that I am not a fan of the celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay.

Sorry if I’m missing something but as far as I’m concerned, all he does is swear badly. And for that he gets an MBE.

Going by that standard, I know quite a few people who should be on the honours list. In fact, one bloke called Percy, with whom I worked on the post, would have qualified for a dukedom.

He had a huge bulbous red nose. It was so bad that he once stood outside Hyde Town Hall and all the traffic stopped waiting for it to change to green.

Now I could set off on a rant about the honours list. I wonder who’s up for a gong tomorrow? Jordan for eating a kangaroo’s goolies? Jedward for having strange haircuts?

But what I want to talk about is one of Gordon Ramsay’s books, “Gordon Ramsay’s Great British Pub Food”. What does the term pub food summon up to you? Pie and chips, curry, chicken and chips?

Whatever it is, I imagine it wouldn’t include some of silkily-spoken Gordon’s offerings — things like fennel and roasted red pepper soup or smoked salmon and watercress tart. Now, I’m not posh, I live in Ashton not Saddleworth, but I’ve never been in a battle cruiser which offers grub like that.

In fact, it makes me wonder whether Gordon MBE has ever been in a typical British pub. Can’t really see him nipping into the Navvy can you? Who’d want to put up with his tantrums?

To me, great British pub food is something very different. I see pie and chips as an entirely honourable dish.

I mean, eat what you like. Eat slugs if you wish. It’s just that I don’t associate all this “Masterchef” type food with pubs — not the sort I’ve grown up with.

And, unfortunately, I have to say that the pubs I grew up with are getting to be fewer and fewer in number.

However, I have found a place in Stalybridge which has had the same landlord for 60 years.

Finally, a word to the lady who wrote in a few weeks ago about Saturday nights for the sad and single over-50s.

Unfortunately, I have no answer. Although if I did have one, and it sold like hot cakes, I bet they’d be really good traditional ones.

Alas, I fear that those of us approaching coffin-dodger status must just put up with our lot. Although we do have the option of going for a pub meal.

What’s more worrying is that “Merlin” has finished.