More oil than the Gulf of Mexico

CHANNEL HOPPING: THE lights went out in the Green Room, the sofa was rear-ended and four poofs had to dump their piano and find proper jobs.

Friday nights without Jonathan Ross will never be the same. Woss’s trademark sickly style came rushing to the surface one last time as the Beeb pulled the plug on his 10 years at the helm. And his final guests lapped it up.

He was “the biggest Jackie Chan fan you could ever meet”, “a big fan of David Beckham for many years” and Mickey Rourke was “such an incredible actor”.

Ten years. I can’t believe it either — it seems a lot longer.

Ross has more hangers-on than a walk-in wardrobe... one of his very own walk-in wardrobes. Lord only knows what a dinner party is like round at his place.

The only people JR’s not a fan of right now are the big wigs at the BBC who decided to get shot of him.

Nevertheless, and even after Manuel-gate, Ross continued to command the kind of trust in his guests and the ability to make them open up that’s only ever been rivalled by the likes of Parky in his heyday. A fact surely not lost on ITV.

Woxy Music’s finale was cut short by a clearly emotional Ross who wanted to thank everybody — yet more greasing.

Apart from all his oiliness, Ross always scored 10 out of 10 for entertainment . . . I’m a massive fan.




DOCUMENTARIES . . . they’re either very good or bloody awful. And there’s been a lot to choose from lately. “Piers Morgan on Las Vegas” — that was good. “The Fairy Jobmother” — very good. “Concorde’s Last Flight”, “Undercover Boss”, “Living With Brucie” — all good.



Then there’s the gutter doc — “Sun, Sea and A&E” — where boozed-up Brits end up in a Spanish casualty department after a variety of drink-related mishaps. It’s bloody awful.




Soap roar: Corrie’s black-listed teacher-slash-fake settee salesman John Stape’s repertoire for a good old porky pie knows no bounds. His furniture shop shenanigans even left the wonderful Windasses lost for words. All that was needed was “this sale must end Sunday” and he would have had the full set.






Soap bore: World Cup soap rationing made Corrie and Enders so much easier to swallow — now the schedulers are playing catch-up and they’re on every night. Miss one and you’ve lost the plot . . . a bit like England.