Coliseum delivers a Christmas cracker

A MUSICAL opener in which the cast blasts out the line, “Wake me up when it’s all over,” isn’t the best way to instil confidence in a theatre audience.

But there’s no chance of nodding off during Oldham Coliseum’s pantomime “Jack and the Beanstalk” — which opened on Saturday night — with jokes, thrills and — quite literally in some parts – spills aplenty.

A very witty script, some hilarious comedy acting and good vocal talent makes this a must-see family festive spectacular which runs until January 4.

It has all the usual time-honoured traditions — the “oh yes I ams” and “oh no you’re nots” get under way within minutes — and there’s a very decent sprinkling of “look behind you” throughout.

Audience participation is frequent, although I must admit I struggled with remembering to shout “Naughty nick-nack nicker!” but references to trams and road works in an effort to rustle up whoops and boos weren’t a problem.

The story starts with Oldham in the middle of a rain shortage which instantly reminds you this is a fairytale!

A spell cast by the evil Fairy Drought, played by Royal Academy of Music graduate Tamsin Dowsett, and her wicked — and flatulent — husband the Giant means the only water flowing there is tears (no idea where I got that line from).

It’s down to Jack Trott — played by Justine Bailey, a seasoned thigh-slapper at the Coliseum, appearing as the lead in Dick Whittington and Prince Charming in “Cinderella” — and his band of hapless helpers to slay the giant and break the spell.

I was beginning to think the Giant was just a voice but when he stomped on stage I was pleasantly wowed by his fluffy orange monobrow and knuckle-dragging antics. Not surprisingly, the children in the audience roared with laughter when he let rip.

A host of hits from artists such as One Direction, Katy Perry and Avicii give the panto a modern twist and Jack and Fairy Sprout, also played by Tamsin Dowsett, did an impressive duet of Whitney Houston’s “When you Believe”.

Coliseum panto legend Fine Time Fontayne, who co-wrote the production, was hilarious as Dame Trott, overshadowed only by his gaudy, gravity- defying costumes including a strawberry milkshake, fairy on top of a Christmas tree and Little Britain’s Vicky Pollard.

The must-have Coliseum panto accessory Simple Simon returned for his sixth season and treated us to some brilliant slapstick scenes as Community Constable Trott — especially when his truncheon snapped which, I suppose, could have been down to first-night nerves!

But the star of the show for me, and my children, was Squire Knott — actor Leigh Symonds — who played Dame Trott’s bumbling love interest to a tee. Look out for the Laurel and Hardy-style decorating scene with Simple Simon, it’s side-splitting.


GP