Navigating a way through drug hell

WHEN people succumb to drug addiction, they are rarely the only casualty. Each pill, line or needle leaves behind it a trail of unseen victims, as sons and daughters, parents, grandparents and even friends can’t help but get dragged into the mire.

But while the families of drug users have to deal with the fallout of their chaotic lifestyle, many feel there is little help available for them.

Jennifer Hollamby spoke to a mother who had to cope with her son’s addiction, and found out about a group — KOMPAS — that has been set up in Oldham to offer the support so desperately needed.

FOR Deborah, the signs had been there for a while. Her eldest son Steven was only 13 and he had already started giving her reasons to worry.

Deborah, a married mother of four from Shaw, still remembers the call from Steven’s head teacher telling her that he had been found in school with cannabis on him.

“I was in total shock and disbelief having no idea that my son was taking drugs,” she said.

“I asked the head what I should do, what support was available and he said he had no idea, but that if Steve was caught with drugs again he’d be expelled.

“Looking back, there were signs that all was not well with Steve, he’d become quiet, moody and depressed. But we’d just had a family bereavement and my head wasn’t in the right place to spot the signs.

“I thought he was grieving the same as the rest of us but obviously he was finding different coping mechanisms.”

But while Deborah desperately scrabbled around for a solution to a problem which was alien to her, her family turned their backs.

“They were horrified” she said.

“Their approach was to ignore the issue, we’d never had drugs in our family. At a time when I needed support I got nothing.”

But, as Deborah had discovered, drugs don’t discriminate on grounds of class or background and Steven, who is now 29, followed the well worn route from cannabis use to dependency on more lethal drugs, including cocaine, which he would wash down with copious amounts of alcohol.

By this time, the drugs had turned Deborah’s once moody 13-year-old son into someone who had undergone a monumental shift in personality.

She said: “As a family we experienced aggression, abuse and theft as his habit grew into total dependency. Deep down we all knew he was a nice person but it was the drugs making him do these things and we couldn’t help him if he wouldn’t help himself. At my lowest point Steve was sentenced to six months in a young offenders’ institution. Some of his friends had started burgling houses and he was keeping watch.

“I felt completely broken, my boy had gone to jail and my family were so ashamed. I’d have done anything to help him but I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t have anyone to turn to and my cries for help went unanswered by friends, family and the local authority.”

Eventually Steven left the family home and soon after his girlfriend became pregnant.

Stephen and his girlfriend split up, with the child, now three, often being caught in the middle.

Deborah took in the youngster and the practical responsibilities of bringing up a child piled on top of the emotional torment she so vividly describes.

She said: “He has been living with us for six months now, and I am trying to install some routine into his life while encouraging his mum and dad to spend time with him.

“I’m not his legal guardian and have no parental rights yet we are the ones who are feeding him and putting him to bed.

“As a mother the mix of emotions you feel seeing your child getting involved in something like drugs is indescribable, but one of the worst things was the lack of understanding and support from family members and friends.

“At my lowest point I was depressed, I felt like ending it all, my family was falling apart and it was my job as a mum to stop that happening. I felt like a complete failure.”

But now, a support group which has been set up in Oldham is set to change that.

KOMPAS is for the friends, families and carers who have been affected by someone using drugs or alcohol, and Deborah is a member.

Many of its members have already completed drug awareness training and are urging people who feel they need support to get in touch.

Deborah said: “Drugs can be such a taboo subject for families but I’m living proof that it can happen to anyone.

“Drugs are one of the worst things that can happen to a family and the effects can rip your family apart. Don’t suffer alone, pick up the phone and let us know how we can support you.”

l Anyone who feels like they need support can get in touch with KOMPAS by calling or texting 07768-586 371 or emailing the group on kompassupport@myway.com.




‘Addiction is like a parasite’



Another Oldhamer who knows the way that drugs can change a user’s personality and destroy their relationships, sometimes with tragic results, is a long-time friend of Dawn Ashton, who was jailed for three years earlier this year after she fatally injected her friend with heroin.



The man, who wishes to remain anonymous, said: “When you know someone on drugs, seeing the depths they can plumb is horrifying. The addiction is like a parasite inside them that needs to be fed all the time, but you can’t help them unless they want to help themselves.

“I still care for her, but I don’t feel sorry for her in any way and I was really shocked by how short her sentence was. The family of her victim have lost a daughter and will never get her back.

“People forget that the families and friends of drug users have to pick up the pieces and there isn’t much help for them.”