It’s tough staying as nature intended

I’d been more excited about researching this skill on your behalf than any other. I’d imagined nubile young women playing volleyball on the beach wearing just their birthday suits, casting admiring glances in my direction.

Unfortunately, when I went to what was apparently the best nudist beach in Wales, the reality was far more harrowing and I’ve struggled to sleep ever since.

At one point I thought I’d spotted a beached whale but it turned out to be Gerald from Rhyl.

His wife Sheila (47), whose modesty was covered only by the overhang of her midriff, wondered if I was feeling the cold more than anyone else.

The answer was yes but I wasn’t sure how she’d guessed.

Much to my dismay, I later realised I’d been investigating how to be a naturist, not a naturalist. It turns out that I should have been fully dressed and looking for rare plants, not nude on a pebble beach looking for a way out.

Naturally, I took the disappointment in my stride, effortlessly appearing like I spend most of my life making excruciatingly embarrassing mistakes.

And that’s what being natural is all about — the effortless bit, not the mistakes.

You have to appear real and authentic and behave in a manner which suggests you were born to do whatever you’re doing.

You need to do what you do because that’s the way nature designed you, although be warned, it is frowned upon to burp loudly in most restaurants.

Being natural is about appearing at ease with your place in the universe. Imagine how a cow feels when it’s chewing grass in a field. That’s what you need to aim for.

It does help if you’re naturally gifted, especially if it’s at something fun like dancing or having nice eyebrows. If you’re rubbish at everything, it may be that you’re a natural failure which, once you’ve accepted it, could be strangely reassuring.

As well as being natural, most people like to look natural which is why these days it’s almost impossible to work out a woman’s true hair colour.

It’s thought natural blondes are now the rarest breed, with a recent survey finding there are only seven now living in the UK with three of them dying it dark.

So why don’t women want to appear as they really are? It’s only natural, I suppose.
Next week . . .


The art of being sensitive