Pav’s Patch: Access barred by women’s big bags

STOOD standing at the supermarket check-out the other night I was unable to pack my goods because a large lady had placed her trolley diagonally across the gangway.

Unfortunately, big lady plus trolley did not add up to a situation where I was able to get past. I had to put all my items on the end of the belt and then wait as the shop assistant packed my bags.

Big woman was, of course, oblivious to the obstruction she was causing, but I did get time to think and came up with this gem: not only are women getting bigger but so are their handbags.

My hatred of man bags is legendary. I simply don’t trust the sort of male who has so much stuff that he has to carry it around in a bag.

But — and I know this is a silly question — what do women find to put in those huge things they have dangling from their shoulders?

What’s in those satchels? Why do women have to cart half a ton of knick-knacks around with them?

Possibly the bags are that size to contain an ever-greater number of zip-up compartments to make sure that finding your purse to pay for goods takes as long as possible.

And why did God not put a compass into women? Why is it they can never go in a straight line?

As you move down a supermarket aisle, try getting past a woman who has a basket in one hand and a handbag the size of a picnic basket on her shoulder.

She must be at least 7ft wide. And they always know where you’re heading, even though they have their back to you.

You try to edge past on the right and they go right. Take a skip to the left and they wander off in that direction.

It must be a sort of in-built radar designed to annoy men who want to get round the supermarket as quickly as possible.

What’s more, these women always lumber. They never, ever get a move on. And they’ll stop to peruse things like Vietnamese truffles at £15 a jar. I mean who, can afford to buy those other than Lees people?

Who’d even be interested? But they are, just to get in your way and slow you down.

So I reckon, with bag and basket, the average woman must now have a wider turning circle than a London black cab.

I dread getting stuck behind one of them more than having to follow a huge lorry as I drive to work.