The Art of Assumption; It’s safe to assume you’ll get it wrong

I COULD be mistaken here but I have a feeling you are going to like learning about this skill.

I’m assuming you’re a bit like me, good looking, charismatic, deluded and keen to get through life with the least effort possible.

That means assumption comes in pretty handy. It’s the acceptance of something as being true without proof and it’s much easier than checking your facts or weighing up the evidence.

It doesn’t take long once you get into it. You should only really consider a dilemma for a split-second before arriving at your conclusion.

In fact, the longer you think about it, the more likely you are to realise you’ve absolutely no reason to believe what you’ve just decided is reality.

At first it’s great, assuming you’ve been invited round for tea, assuming an air of smug self-importance as you help yourself to the last sausage and assuming it’s a joke when you’re asked to leave.

But in the long run it will probably get you into trouble. An old boss of mine once said, “Don’t assume boy. It makes an ASS out of U and ME.”

“I said, “Why do you assume I’m assuming?” He said, “You’re fired.” I said, “Shall I assume you’re only messing?”

You don’t generally hear the art of assumption mentioned in books about the route to success. They tend to prefer planning and dedication.

“Assume before you leap,” isn’t a saying that has survived through the ages.

In relationships it can get you into trouble, especially if you’re a man.

I once thought my wife would like a Westlife in Concert DVD for St Valentine’s Day. I assumed wrong. I also thought the incident might fade from her memory after a couple of years. I assumed wrong.

It can also cause problems for women, like when they assume the man they marry will change according to the design they’ve prepared for him.

He won’t. And after 15 years, the fact that he leaves his clothes on the bathroom floor will probably start to grate on you.

Finally, I’d recommend assuming the best rather than the worst.

If you’re going to guess your way through life, you may as do it with a smile on your face.

Next week . . . the art of being politically correct