Learn with Kev; The Art of Brewing Up

ON average us Brits drink three cups of tea a day.

That’s six brews every two days and so on until after a couple of weeks, we really have drunk quite a few.

It’s been like this since the 1500s when tea leaves arrived here from India and since then tea has been used as the antidote to all known disasters.

It’s most commonly used as a sedative to help cope with bad news. “Gordon, I’m afraid the world appears to have been destroyed by an asteroid. Don’t worry, I’ll put the kettle on and we’ll have a nice cup of tea.” It is essential that the tea you have in these situations is “nice” or it won’t solve anything. This means it’s important to know how people like their brew.

If someone drinks Builders Tea Two and you give them Watery Milk One they won’t be impressed. If Gordon says, “Just threaten it with a tea bag”, and you forget about the bag and then burst it when retrieving it, he might actually realise the end of the world is quite upsetting.

Generally, the best way to brew up is in a warm tea pot while listening to big band music, but single cup brewing should be taken no less seriously.

A desire for perfection is essential. Drop the bag, pour boiling water, stir once then leave for a period determined by the desired strength and remember, seconds count. Gently squeeze then remove bag, add milk, stir again, sip and sigh.

Sugar is necessary for anyone who’s not quite sweet enough. Some people have a spoon and a quarter, some have three. Some people just put a drop of tea in the sugar bowl and drink it through a straw.

In recent years new designs of tea bags have come on to the market to shake things up a bit. With round ones and those shaped as pyramids the theory is that given greater room to move within the bag, the leaves will release more flavour into your brew. Apparently they’re scientifically proven to work better as a marketing tool than the normal square ones.

You shouldn’t restrict yourself to normal tea when brewing. Peppermint tea is good for digestion, camomile is said to be soothing and raspberry is good for kick starting labour. Earl Grey is also popular, especially with communists who believe that all proper tea is theft.

My last piece of advice would be that no matter how good you are at brewing up, it’s always nicer to drink one made by someone else. “Do you want a brew?” I tend to say to my wife, “Oh great, then I’ll have one with you.”

Next week . . . The Art of Being Inventive