Not child’s play, but so rewarding

MANY children in Oldham will already be dreaming of a Christmas filled with family fun and games. But others will be just be dreaming of having a family.

There are 24 children in the borough who need adopting and eight of those need placing with brothers or sisters.

With National Adoption Week starting today, BEATRIZ AYALA has been speaking to two Oldham families who have decided to offer a loving home.

LIKE all new mothers, Catherine is delighted with her children.

But unlike many others, her new children are brother and sister Charlotte (five) and Thomas (six).

Catherine and her husband Martin (40), from Royton, adopted their children, who have foetal alcohol syndrome, 12 months ago.

FAS is caused by pregnant mothers drinking too much and can lead to stunted growth and learning and behavioural problems.

The youngsters waited 14 months for a new family but only a year into their new home, they are proving a rewarding addition to the family.

Catherine said: “Martin and I wanted children for some time and had been trying for a family, but nothing happened. After tests and failed IVF, adoption was our only chance.”

Martin added: “At first we wanted to adopt one child and then, maybe at a later date, another.

“However, during the assessment process we decided that we could cope with more than one child and we were lucky enough to have enough space in our house, so we thought why not?”

The couple were initially worried whether they would be able to cope with Charlotte and Thomas’s unique needs.

But after seeing their faces and finding out more about their condition, they knew they were the right children.

Catherine said: “Caring for them has been hard work. When they first arrived they were very needy and used to compete for our attention.

“Their condition also means that the children can find it difficult to concentrate and sit still, so night times can be stressful. It definitely helps that we have great family and friends.

“Over the last 12 months, we have seen an improvement in both children and even though they can be demanding we wouldn’t change them.”

The couple admit making the decision to adopt was a big one but one they would definitely recommend.

Catherine said: “I cannot think of anything more rewarding than keeping brothers and sisters together. They have made our family complete.”

A completed family is also what has happened to Lees couple Jamario (38) and Helen (35), who have been together for 10 years.

Jamario (black Caribbean) and Helen (white) adopted three-year-old Jamilia who is of dual heritage.

Helen said: “We always wanted children but from an early age I knew it would not be possible so adoption seemed like the next best thing.

“The whole process, from inquiring to having Jamilia arrive was about 14 months. The process is very demanding but it has to be. It gives you the opportunity to decide if adoption really is for you.”

Family life has changed a great deal since Jamilia arrived according to the couple, including losing their weekend lie-ins. But they say all the changes have been for the better.

Jamario said: “Before we had Jamilia we both liked to sleep in at weekends, but not any more. Jamilia is an early riser and loves to get up at 6.30am. You need to have lots of energy.”

Jamilia’s behaviour has changed for the better since joining her new family. Jamario said: “When she first came to live with us she would throw tantrums at the slightest thing. But as the months went on she realised that this was her home and that we were not going to leave her.”

Helen said: “We want to adopt another child when Jamilia is about six, so that she gets all the attention she needs.

“The difference she has made to our lives is immense.”

However, the borough’s greatest challenge is finding families for siblings, older children aged four to 10, youngsters with disabilities, or special needs and children from ethnic minorities or of mixed race.

Some of the children have behavioural problems, physical disabilities or medical conditions, while others may have been abused or neglected.

Many prospective adopters who come forward want to adopt a baby, of which there are few.

Councillor Kay Knox, lead member for children, young people and families, said: “Lots of adoptive parents would love a newborn baby, but life’s not like that.

“Contrary to general belief, there are few babies available for adoption.

“Our biggest problem is finding families for children who have been waiting for some time.”


WHO CAN ADOPT?

OLDHAMERS can adopt if they are aged over 21, have a spare bedroom, and can provide a safe and stable home.

Recruitment officer Lisa Lawson said: “The process for becoming an adoptive parent is rigorous, and that is as it should be.

“But there are no blanket bans, so please don’t think we’ll turn you down.

“You don’t need special skills or a particular lifestyle to be a good adoptive parent.”

As part of National Adoption Week, the council’s adoption and fostering team is looking to hear from new adoptive families for children who wait the longest.

Jenny Whitmore, adoption team manager, said: “National Adoption Week provides an excellent opportunity to raise awareness of adoption and encourage people who have been thinking of adopting to come forward.”

For information call 0161-770 8189.