At last, a proper use for the Civic Centre

THE FRIDAY THING: IS Oldham going to the movies?

As the only borough in Greater Manchester without a cinema, the popcorn, cola, hot-dog and ice-cream experience of a night in front of the really, really big screen that makes these so-called home cinemas look like postage stamps is way beyond long overdue.

But I hear the council is asking the big question: should Oldham have a cinema and, if so, where should it be?

To be really competitive with our far-sighted neighbours who all have cinema complexes, the Oldham Empire, Kings, Roxy, Gaumont or Odeon needs to be big enough to house multi-screens and also to have the car parking that is essential — since cinemagoers have largely been struck with an affliction that prevents them from walking more than 20 yards.

Hopefully not, but the way things are going the Spindles Town Square shopping centre could soon be installing the digital film equipment and those speakers that blow your ears inside out.

But isn’t there a better option with loads of parking and easy access to the bus station? (Remember buses, they used to have conductors and you could smoke upstairs and not by being set on fire by some drug-crazed loony?)

What about the Civic Centre? It has plenty of floors for multi-multi screens, lots of car parking, and it’s not much in use at weekends and at night.

Dual-purpose use of the weary monolith might help to improve its cheerless image. Although meetings of Oldham Council have, in the past, provided some light entertainment, most of the star performers, such as John Curran, Bob Wheeler, Ralph Semple and Ellen Brierley have gone, and with them much of the impromptu and often unintentional fun.

So we could return some laughter to the old centre with nostalgia nights of “Carry on Regardless”, “Carry on Cruising” (especially for admiral Charlie Parker) and find room for “The Enemy Within” and, of course, “Cowboys and Aliens”, to say nothing of Laurel and Hardy’s classic: “Pack up Your Troubles”.

So there’s the Friday Thing’s contribution to the cinema debate. I am sure you will have plenty of suggestions of your own.


A NEW twist to the immigration debate: the population of the UK is rising not because we are letting in drug dealers, thieves, human traffickers and many of the dregs of the world, but because not enough of us are leaving the good old UK to live abroad.
So dust off that passport and get out of here. Libya could be a good bet; at least there’s plenty of work to be done there and it’s certainly lively, what with all that gun and rocket fire going on.

And, of course, the Government is encouraging us to flee in our thousands by a catalogue of measures that include job losses, increasing crime, rising prices (for just about everything) and the fact that you can’t now buy a house here unless you have a 20 per cent deposit in your pocket, which very few prospective home-owners are fortunate to have.

The banks are not helping the cause (surprise, surprise). Having lost millions of our money by taking ridiculous gambles in the money markets — the like of which would have seen us sent to jail — they are refusing to lend significantly to either businesses or would-be home-owners, effectively killing the property market and its associated jobs at the stroke of a red pen.

And now the banks are phoning struggling householders telling them to cut their spending or risk losing their home. Thanks, guys.

Add to that the fact that the Lib-Dems are trying to declare every home with windows and doors a mansion so that it becomes liable to a new tax wheeze dreamt up by happy smiling Vince Cable and his sidekick, Nick Clegg, and you are probably dusting off the suitcases and passports as I write.

It’s all enough to make you wish you could take your family off to London and apply to be housed in some £2 million luxury home that won’t cost you a bean because the taxpayers will pay all your bills.

And, of course, you will get hundreds a week in benefits.

Sadly, you can’t get one of those luxury pads or enjoy HMRC’s largesse because you are unfortunate enough to be British. You may, of course, be able to find another country in the world that will treat you in such a generous and humanitarian way, but then again, you might also win the Lottery and a top premium bond prize on the same day.




FINAL WORD: According to the latest piece of earth-shattering, well-I-never-knew-that piece of research by our friends the boffins, laughing is good for us. Watching the funny scenes of films (or maybe reading the daft ideas of boffins) makes us laugh that much that it is as good for us as a visit to the gym. Finding a reason to laugh is the problem just now.