In a bit of a pickle...

THE FRIDAY THING: IT all seemed to be going so well. With the threat of another major strike hovering over us all, negotiations between the Government and the public sector unions were going really well and there was even talk of agreement. And then in rolled big Eric!

The Tories wrecking ball’s contribution to the negotiations was, surprise, surprise, to scupper the lot. Scuppering, no doubt like substantial suppering (along with breakfasting, lunching and dinnering) seems to be big Eric’s forte Danny Alexander (a Lib-Dem but we shouldn’t hold that against him) had come up with a deal that had NHS staff, council workers and civil servants ready to propose a toast to harmony and present us with strike-free streets. Not of course that strikers, or anyone else for that matter could take to the roads in Oldham without putting life and limb in peril as the Metrolink works rumble slowly on.

Big Eric was accused of undermining trust and confidence but what were described as “sources close to Mr Pickles” (though clearly not too close!!) said there had been a “misunderstanding”.

Not surprisingly senior Tories like Cabinet Office Minister Francis Maude, who actually believe that the strike would be a bad thing for Britain, were said to be “extremely cross” (though that’s probably not what they said behind closed doors) about Big Eric’s “cock up” (and that’s probably not quite what they said either but in a family newspaper . . .).

Maybe the Tory hierarchy, who put Mr Pickles in his role as chief wrecker, should consider sending him to Europe to deal with the French. If Mr Sarcozy comes over all stroppy and Gallic, Big Eric can sit on him.




FINAL WORD: There is an additional hazard to beware this Christmas. Apart from falling trees, collapsing decorations, self-combusting or electric-shock delivering tree lights and setting fire to that screwed up wrapping paper lying on the floor — there is a virtual epidemic of exploding breast implants.



So, if you are in room with, shall we say, well upholstered ladies this Christmas, watch out for flying nipples; they could put your eye out.

Oh, and don’t forget to quiz your party or lunch guests about their possible exposure to the winter vomiting bug!

Nipples and vomiting apart, have a happy, healthy and joyous Christmas.