FA bites back over latest disgrace

THE FRIDAY THING: THIS is not a food review - unless you are a vampire, perhaps - but biting seems to be back on the menu in a big way.

Louis Suarez, a Uruguayan footballer currently playing for Liverpool, bit the arm of a Chelsea defender at the weekend which, even by football’s bizarre standards, was something of a first in this country.

Why Suarez bit his opponent wasn’t clear from the newspaper and TV pictures but he certainly made a meal of his opponent’s right arm.

There are lots of odd things going on in football most of the time, challenges that might maim, acrobatic penalty area tumbles that should be on the stage rather than the football pitch, spitting, swearing, cursing the referee and the occasional grab and hearty squeeze at an opponent’s more delicate parts.

But biting? You can understand it in young children, but the only time teeth should have anything to do with sport is when the participants take them before the game.

Mr Suarez has been banned for 10 matches and there was talk of anger-management treatment, but surely a dentist and a full extraction would be a safer bet for his fellow players?.

Or perhaps defenders opposing Suarez in future should just tie shinpads around their arms.


HAVE you got a tub in your garden (and I don’t mean the lump in the corner downing his 18th can of lager)? The big thing these days is apparently a heated water spa, or as we call them, an outdoor bath.
One in 10 homeowners now have a garden tub, we’re told, some seating up to 10 folk sitting round, talking and having fun.

There are also, shall we say, less family-oriented tubs that are used (generally by exhibitionists) by couples who fancy intimate moments in the hot soapy water.

I don’t personally know anyone locally who has a hot tub in their garden, but there are folk who have visits from the police for making too much noise with patio parties in which the tub plays a key part.

In one case there was a prosecution for engaging in sex acts in an outdoor spa. If it was earlier this year, I hope they kept their coats on.

Nothing would persuade me to have a bath in the garden, but then I have a greater sensibility for the sensitivities of my neighbours.


FINAL WORD: I am not sure that I believe it but our bearded mate Abra Cadabra (now you see him, then you see him again) could finally be about to be deported for the terrorist threat he poses to the UK. Don’t be surprised, though, if some smart lawyer crops up demanding millions in compensation for the psychological harm old Abra has suffered.