Pav’s Patch; The reality is, I’m strictly hooked

I LIKE to tell people that I’m much too level-headed and sensible to get caught up in reality TV. I hate “Big Brother” with a passion.

But here’s a confession — on Saturday I was responsible for not one, but two votes for John Sergeant in “Strictly Come Dancing”.

I punched the numbers first time round, and then my 10-year-old son Jim eagerly added a vote of his own. And why not? After all it’s not a dancing championship, it’s light entertainment, and Mr Sergeant certainly entertained me.

His dance was truly appalling. And he looked ridiculous in his sequinned shirt while the fake-tanned, smooth, shiny, Russian blonde bombshell Kristina Rihanoff gyrated about. But it was hilarious.

What’s more, I find the judging panel to be the most pompous bunch I have ever come across. I would love to smack each one of their smug mugs with a wet mackerel.

Have you seen them as they prepare to give their marks? Arlene Phillips is wearing so much make-up I expect her face to crack as she inevitably gives one point more than Craig Revell-Horwood.

What was Len “Goody” Goodman going on about? After all, he makes a packet out of that programme, flitting back and forth across the Atlantic with his pet chimp Bruno.

And, if it’s all so serious, are you telling me that the four brass judges think up all those pithy one-liners? On your bike.

Let’s face it, no one’s interested in a formal dance competition, otherwise they would never have taken off the original “Come Dancing” which Home Counties North won every year.

We watch “Strictly” to see the female celebrities cavorting about in something skimpy — at least I do. I certainly don’t tune in for Anton du Beke who, by the way, is really called Tony Beak.

Yes, that casts a different light on such a serious show, doesn’t it?

And isn’t it funny how many of the contestants are filmed hurting ankles yet go through the pain barrier to dance against doctor’s orders? Do you think there’s the slightest chance the whole thing might be stage-managed?

So I hope John Sergeant goes on to win. I haven’t enjoyed the programme so much since the annoying Gabby Logan got turfed off last year.

Finally, and on a completely different tack, can I thank the FA Cup for robbing me of £20.

On Friday night, our Jim said: “Dad, what will you do if Curzon Ashton beat Exeter tomorrow?” “I’ll give you £20.” I replied, expecting the Football League side to be too good.

Shows how wrong you can be. Curzon won 3-2.