Film, song, book or bubble bath?

AH well, that’s it for another year. And what have we got to show for it? Poorer, fatter and, in my case, in possession of enough bubble bath to float the QE2.

Not to mention sufficient body lotion to keep me occupied with the Chippendales for a good 12 months.

We had a quiet Christmas. What with Him Indoors waking up on the 25th unable to utter a word. It was fine for charades though. We play it every year after Christmas lunch is tidied away. About 8pm. It’s generally mayhem. This year was no different.

My gay bachelor son (No.2) had turned up at daughter number one’s house promptly at 11am resplendent in sparkling red Zorro mask (over his sunglasses), tinsel from head to toe, a coathanger in his shirt (which he was wearing) and a bottle of scotch in his coat pocket. He hadn’t been to bed and just topped up the alcohol level throughout the day until his turn at charades took on a rather surreal quality.

Daughter number one, delighted mum had arrived to take charge of children and turkey, joined her brother and his bottle and, by the time we were into film/song/book and puppet show, was sort of stuck on “Grease”.

It made for easy points but seemed to confuse the quiet Japanese man who had tagged along with gay bachelor son having met him in some pub the previous evening and, rather recklessly I thought, confessed to being alone on the big day.

New mother-in-law was introduced to the delights of Harvey’s Bristol Cream and slept most of the afternoon, waking to see her new gay bachelor step-grandson acting out the song title “Sex, Drugs and Rock ‘n’ Roll”.

Him Indoors simply got himself around a half bottle of gin and delighted everyone with his mute turns. I know the game is supposed to be silent, but my family has never quite grasped that rule.

Yours truly, the designated driver, was stone-cold sober throughout.

We never turn on the telly on Christmas Day. No, not even for Her Majesty. But we did do so on Boxing Day, back at new mum-in-law’s house, just in time to catch the 1971 Christmas special starring Morecambe and Wise with Andre Previn.

Laugh? Oh yes. There’s nothing they stick on the box these days that’s a patch on the ’70s specials like Eric and Ernie, or “The Two Ronnies”, even Brucie’s “The Generation Game”.

Fortunately, BBC2 regurgitated them all for my delight on the 26th. Such a change from once-were celebrities, almost-were celebrities and wishing-we-were celebrities making fools of themselves.

Which just leaves this can’t-be-bothered-to-even-want-to-be-a-celebrity wishing you a healthy, happy and prosperous New Year.