It’s win, win with the new pet giraffe

You’ve got to love animals. It’s their puppy dog eyes (dogs), their kitten cat nose (cats) and their cheeky little chops (pigs).

Some people love them more than they love humans and with good reason. They don’t answer back, they won’t judge you and they’ll love you unconditionally on the condition that you feed them.

For many, animals aren’t just pets, they’re part of the family and they’re much more popular that some members. You wee in the front room and all of a sudden it’s a major crime!

We’re said to be a nation of dog lovers and the best one I’ve seen is half Rottweiler and half Sheepdog. It will rip your arm off then go and get help. If you ever need one, dogs are a great excuse to go for a walk in the rain while swinging a bag of warm muck at six o’clock in the morning.

They’re known as man’s best friend because of their loyalty whereas cats are more like that friend who only rings you when they want something. Even then they tut and say things like, “Why would you do that?” when you tell them what you’ve been up to.

You should generally start your animal loving with a fish before moving onto rabbits, tortoises, horses and giraffes. Fish are ok but not great for conversation.

Tortoises are fun until you realise they’re going to outlive you. Horses save on petrol but make some men feel inadequate. Get a giraffe though and it’s win win. You’ve got a friend with worse pyjamas than you and they can earn their keep cleaning out gutters.

Your love can be called into question if you ever have to take an animal to the vets. It may tug on your heart strings to see your tortoise using little crutches but when you get the bill you’ll probably decide he can just stay still for the next eighty years.

Even so, it can be very upsetting to lose a treasured pet. My brother had terrible luck with hamsters. His first one died tragically when it fell asleep at the wheel then Hammo’s replacement became seriously ill.

My mum was so worried about how my brother would cope with its impeding death that she promised him a big party to celebrate its life. He said, “Brilliant. Can we kill it now?”

Most animals have been around longer than us and great and small, every one of them is special. My personal favourite is a cow which lives in a field near me. It appears beautiful and intelligent and whenever I wave it gazes back at me with a twinkle in its eye. If only it could talk, I’m sure it would say something like, “What?”


Next week… The Art of being On-line.