Ges on the box; Oh for water on tap and microwave dinners

THE hottest place on earth is not, contrary to popular myth, the newsroom at the Chronicle but, in fact, the Danakil desert in Ethiopia. It’s a place where temperatures regularly soar above 50ºC (a BIT like the newsroom then) and where the landscape looks like something out of a Spielberg movie.

And I know all this because I watched “The Hottest Place On Earth” last Thursday. Not, I’m sure you’ve guessed, my first choice of light entertainment, but Him Indoors has to win sometimes.

He refused to watch the third and final episode of “Red Riding” — hardly surprising as we’d missed the first two, although I was game. The reviews were full of blood and gore, just my cup of tea immediately before bedtime.

He wasn’t that keen on “Cops With Cameras” either, which was a pity because it showed French football hooligans running riot in Manchester and I thought it’d make a nice change from English ones. And, as I say, blood and gore can never be all bad. Whatever language it’s in.

We watched a group of intrepid would-be celebrities (apart from Steve Leonard who is already a celebrity having appeared on some vets programme donkeys’ years ago) led by Kate Humble, march across some salt mines and get very, very hot. Personally, I’d have hitched a lift with one of the 4x4s going to the camp some 15 hours’ walk — or 20 miles — away, but then I’ve never seen the sense of making life difficult for oneself.

The women of the Afar tribe were amazing. And busy. Unlike the chaps, who spent most of their day gossiping. They were racing around collecting water, cooking food, minding the children, looking after the goats . . . thank heavens for water on tap and microwave dinners is what I say. And the fact that I was born on the Wirral and not in the Danakil desert.

Anyway, the second (and final) episode is on tomorrow (BBC1, 9pm) and it’s worth watching — if only to see some daft explorer abseiling inside a live volcano. Amazing what people do for their 15 minutes of fame.

And while we’re on the subject of hot stuff, did you catch the final of “Dancing On Ice”?

The hottest favourite in years took the trophy, and rightly so in my humble opinion. Ray Quinn out-performed even Torville and Dean in the Bolero and almost brought a tear to this cynical old hack’s eye.

Quinn is one of those irritating all-rounders whom I confidently predict will keep popping up on our screens in whatever celebrity-reality show they screen next.

And no doubt winning too. I don’t doubt for one minute that he’ll be voted every granny’s favourite on the first “Celebrity Brain Surgery” series and probably in the inaugural “Celebrity Strictly Come Jet Flying” one too.

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