What Kati did Next; Dieting? Let’s hope gym’ll fix it for me

I’m sorry, I should apologise right away.

I have been keeping you completely in the dark about my amazing weight loss plan, you know, the one I started in January.

You know, the one where I said I would be and I quote “pounding the streets,” and “running the Manchester 10km.”

It’s all coming back to you now isn’t it.

Well I have lost, wait for it, drum roll please, 1lb and 6oz.

Yes that’s right, one pound and six teeny little ounces. Amazed?

That’s four months of my life wasted and quite frankly I am ashamed of myself.

As expected I didn't find myself and I quote again “pounding the streets”, because it was too darn cold.

Then it was too darn dark and then I just couldn’t be bothered. It seemed so much easier to kick back to another episode of “Sex and the City” with a bowl of mashed potato than it did to get all energetic and run up and down the streets scaring old ladies.

So and I am going back on all my previous snooty comments about “gym bunnies” and what sad old lives they lead, I joined a gym four weeks ago.

I did what I said I would never do, pay for a whole year of membership hoping, praying and wishing that it would inject me with the necessary guilt I would need to get off my monstrous backside and join the, now I call them, “positive thinkers”, at the weights. Now I’m one of them, we’re some of the best types of people you can get.

We’re striving for something new and different.

We’re focused and energised. Most of us are also quite lardy with veins like cheese straws.

It was with a heavy heart that I gave over my hard earned cash to the fit lady behind the counter and she handed me back a mugshot of which Strangeways would surely be proud.

So now I am attempting to become one of the attractive smug others as I only have six weeks left till the big day and the cost of the photographs is keeping me awake at night.

If I have one double chin, or even the standard two on any of those pictures, away goes the photographers deposit.

Or can they airbrush photos these days? Now I bet that’ll cost a lot.