What Kati did next; Outfit was a real pain in Spain

While perusing La Playa in Spain this week, the fashion police in me came out.

Looking for any fashion column ideas, I came across the worst beach outfit of all time.

Heck, not just the worst beach outfit of all time but the worst outfit of all time, full stop.

I have never in all my “qualified member of the fashion police” years, been subjected to such a tirade of abuse on the eyes.

It was not that this lady didn’t suit the offending article, its just that not one person on this whole planet could have worn this outfit in a way that another would wander past and think, “hey, she looks great, why don’t I ever look like that?” It was the most inappropriate outfit a) for the beach b) for the summer sun and c) for a human being.

I looked over at my new husband to see if it was just me who cast a critical eye.

He was bent double practically weeping with laughter. We aren’t like that normally, horses for courses in our house normally.

He has a pair of very short shorts that I may well take a blowtorch to in the near future. He says they’re Ray Mears, I disagree but he enjoys wearing them.

However he, who claims he has no interest in fashion, was taken aback by the sheer inappropriateness of the beach outfit. Black, high necked with a ribbon tie at the chin, long sleeved with ribbon ties at the wrist.

Am I putting you in mind of Coco the clown? Yes, you’ve guessed it, ribbon ties at both ankles and the material was chiffon interlaced with ribbon stripes. She was an attractive woman.

She obviously spent time down the gym counting her calories and to be honest underneath the stripy monkey suit she had a figure that I would be pleased with now, let alone in 20 years time.

So what was she thinking? I can only blame the summer sun. The heat. The change in diet.

Crikey I have to blame it on something. Surely the beach is about undressing rather than redressing.

No, looking good is all about confidence. Well maybe that’s right, horses for courses and all that.

Although I’m pretty sure no mare would be seen dead in that outfit.