Ges on the Box; Floating dogs and robots with boobs

USUALLY when the adverts come on I nip to the loo (I’m on this ‘drink two litres of water every day’ kick and it plays havoc with my bladder) and, on the way back, grab a biscuit and a brew.

Only last week I didn’t for some reason. So I saw some ads. And they’ve got me lying awake at night worrying, as you do.

Have you seen the new Coke Zero (no caffeine, no sugar, no taste) advert? It opens with a young couple in bed.

She gets up to (I presume) have a shower and there’s a knock on the door.

Through the peep-hole he spies her father come to visit where upon he whistles up his mates from the SAS who smash through the window, tidy the room, muzzle the dog and disappear out of said broken window to be whisked away by helicopter.

Are you following this? Now, what’s had me unable to sleep is this: if the plan is to delude her dad into thinking she lives alone in a pristine flat, how is she going to explain away the ruddy great hole in the window? And why is that little Jack Russell left muzzled?

Talking of dogs, what about the Bakers dog food commercial which has some of them floating with their bowls, some trying to catch floating food and others stuck with gravity. Why isn’t it uniform? Why do the puppies float?

Incidentally, where did the puppies come from? They don’t resemble any of the adult dogs and surely nobody would be irresponsible enough to send un-neutered dogs into space.

Then there’s the CSL ad — the one with the robots in love. Why does a metal automaton need boobs? Could it be possible for robots to fall in love? And what does this have to do with sofas?

Most confusing of all is the Vauxhall Corsa ad, with the little square men made out of fabric.

Who are they? What have they got to do with the Corsa? Or cars? Who’s the girl? Does she really like little green square men? How can they drive a car when they haven’t any feet to use the pedals?

And the mum with the fuse who shouts “Hut” and everyone goes out for a pizza. This is the most unrealistic of the lot.

I mean, her teenage children actually laugh when she tells them she’s duped them, that the leccy hasn’t really gone and they could, if she hadn’t pulled the fuse, be at home Twittering all their mates. Laugh? Teenagers? That’s unrealistic.

But there is one I like. “Blowing in the Wind”, sung by Dylan, with little dandelion seeds floating everywhere.

I haven’t a clue what it’s advertising but I like it nevertheless.