Ges on the Box: Ireland’s wet, but the TV’s a desert

TOP o’th morning to ye.

No prizes for guessing where I’ve been the past two weeks. Enjoying the best of what the Emerald Isle could throw at me. Mostly rain. I managed to book the wettest two weeks of the wettest July known to leprechauns and sheep for the past 50 years.

What d’you mean, you haven’t missed me? I’ve missed you (that was a touch of the ol’ blarney . . . it’s not really true but sure, an’ didn’t you feel a warm glow for a second).

But oh, it was wet. Take a tip from the woman who knows and always check when my fortnight’s holiday is booked, so you can avoid it.

I can bring on rain in a desert — I did, in fact. When the family moved to Aden in 1963 the country had its first downpour for 12 years.

Anyway, as the man in the Guinness pub told me between the claps of thunder: “Sure an’ it’s only a bit o’ rain. We can have four seasons in the one day don’t you know.”

A good holiday? Yes, it was. Despite the rain, mother-in-law and the Irish television channels.

All things considered, me and Him Indoors had a splashing (sorry, that should read smashing) time.

We travelled a lot — 1,682 miles — I ate tons of soda bread, quaffed more than an odd pint of the black stuff and chomped my way through fish and chips half a dozen times. AND lost 4lb. Who said miracles don’t happen?

As an added bonus, I won’t be complaining about our TV anytime soon. Not after 14 wet nights watching obscure Australian medical soaps and Irish reality shows.

Where were the full-bodied debates and in-depth analysis of world-wide politics that I remember from my last trip to Ireland? Where were the intelligent news programmes which devoted more than a 30-second sound-bite to the international scene?

I don’t know. They weren’t on air that’s for sure. True, it’s been more than two decades since my last trip across the water so I suppose things have been ‘modrenised’.

There were a few highlights: “Rat”, a film about a man who turned into (yes, you guessed) a rat; a reality show which had wannabe TV presenters abseiling down the side of a mountain interviewing a nest of bees; and Ireland’s very own soap “Fair City”.

The burning questions are: Will Pete and Christy go too far with the Poc Fada and the clash of the clans? What is Malachy’s big announcement and whose business is Robert sticking his nose into?

I suppose I’ll never know now. . .