Caring, sharing and snoring

IF love is blind then marriage is a real eye-opener. It’s something many men fear but there’s no need.

Marriage is simply a legally binding contract clamping you to one woman for the rest of your days. Thankfully, and with a bit of luck, it’s to a woman you love.

On the other hand, most women can’t wait to get married. They have it booked in as the happiest day of their life from the age of three.

All they have to do is find the man of their dreams or if he’s already taken, someone who’s prepared to step in.

For fellas, marriage is a daunting prospect but once they’re over the cold sweats, they should accept their fate in the knowledge that life will run a lot smoother.

For woman, marriage can be summed up in three words — I’ll . . . alter . . . him.

It all begins with your wedding day which is a public celebration of your love.

You’ll exchange rings and vows which outline your commitment to each other.

It’s an event which should, under no circumstances, be described as “just a party” by the groom in earshot of his bride.

Once the big day and the honeymoon is over, you’ll hopefully settle into the reliable routine of married life. You’ve now got security, a soul mate by your side through thick and thin, someone to keep you awake by snoring and someone to ask you where you think you’re going every time you hover near the front door.

It’s about partnership and compromise. You’re sharing your life with someone, the highs and the lows, making decisions together and blaming each other when things go wrong.

Sadly, one in three marriages ends in divorce these days and it’s said to cost so much because it’s worth it.

To avoid an agonising break-up you need to talk through problems when they arise and make an effort to keep the passion alive.

A little tip for retaining a bit of spark is to meet each other for a night out as if it’s your first date.

My wife and I tried it recently and when our eyes met across the bar I was reminded of her breathtaking beauty. I asked if I could by her a drink. She said: “No.”

Finally, you should always remember that at its core, a happy marriage is about friendship and laughter.

When your looks and hair have gone, that’s what will keep you smiling across the breakfast table until you’re 90.

By then you’ll probably both be deaf aswell which, as any man will tell you, is also bound to help.

Next week: The art of kite-flying