We are in the presence of... annoying TV presenters

Channel hopping: Dermot. O. Leary. Is. Getting. On. My. Wick.
The “X-Factor” frontman generates more spin than Brian May’s hair curlers.

“Best X-Factor moment ever,” and “we are in the presence of Gods” were two of his hyperbolic highlights after Queen’s decidedly average opening on the results show.

Mock-rocker Jamie Afro was sent tumbling following a lacklustre sing-off with Lloyd.

Dermot may thrust the show into the TV fast lane with his foot-down presenting style, but the standard this year is Middle. Of. The. Road.

The Jedward twins were unfazed by a stage-invader with a pineapple on his head. Must have been like looking in the mirror for the high-haired cabaret act.


IT’S a lot harder to prick a conscience than a sausage. The words of Weatherfield’s resident trans-sexual Hayley Cropper. She’d know all about that then.


“I thought I’d married a café-owner — not Cracker,” she persisted as hubby attempted to get under murderous Tony Gordon’s skin on Coronation Street. Cracker, Roy is not. So, after finally informing the police, the man who knew too much packed up his shopping bag and trundled off to the Peak District in the Woody with the (Mister and) missus. Trouble is, evil Tony did a bit of detective work of his own while the pair were away, then sent Roy swimming with the fish. Except he can’t swim.

It’s all getting a bit dark again...


WHAT a week in Walford. When Jane’s away, how Ian will play . . . the fool. Trying to snog the face off Tanya only served to prove the longest mid-life crisis in EastEnders history is but a whisker or two away for dung-Beale.

Tan threw a glass of vino in his face. So out of character — wasting it like that. She must accumulate more units in a week than the returns department of a dodgy furniture store.

At least Rickaay was on the ball. Ordering 500 T-shirts instead of five from Whitney’s on-line stall. Still, Bianca and Sam didn’t half shift ‘em on the market. Ten minutes later – all gone. Recession? What recession?


Soap roar: Julie as cowboy Jesse’s undercover sidekick Hiya-Lowa in Corrie. Even little Simon had to be bribed to keep her under wraps.


Soap bore: Jay – guilt is written all over the little mugger’s face. Dragging Lucy out of her perpetual misery is a difficult task I know, but for the love of God . . . Jay, tell her it was you what done it.