Once again, I ask, WHY?
Reporter: Mike Pavasovic
Date published: 19 November 2009
Pav’s Patch: IT’S been quite a few months since I last asked why? So here’s a few more questions I would dearly like to know the answer to. If you like, they are mysteries of modern life to me, a simple if somewhat embittered soul.
Why do cyclists ignore the rules of the road with impunity? How come they can pedal through red lights and go the wrong way down one-way streets?
Why do we insist on calling chemist’s shops pharmacies? Have you ever heard a more pompous term? They sell bottles of medicine but try to make themselves sound like a department of NASA.
Why do so many motorists insist on parking on the wrong side of the road with their headlights full on? This is especially annoying when you’re travelling uphill.
Why are the police so scruffy nowadays? With their shaven heads and pants tucked in their boots they look more like East German Volkspolizei than British Bobbies.
Why is Janet Street Porter on the telly? What useful function does she fulfil other than to annoy me?
Why are cosmetics counters staffed by bright orange women? In what way do they encourage women to buy make-up? I wouldn’t have thought looking like a tangerine was a selling point.
Why do they play muzak in lifts and hotel receptions? Why is it called that, rather than “droning rubbish”?
Why do pretty girls always hang around with mooses?
Why does the television sound get louder when the adverts come on. They say it’s not louder, it’s just a different type of noise. Whatever it is, I have to turn down the volume.
Why do the couples always pretend to be heartbroken when somebody’s kicked off “Strictly Come Dancing”? Who cares? They are all getting paid a lot of money and it’s just a bit of light entertainment.
Why do supermarkets put out their Christmas goods earlier each year?
Why are people rarely unemployed in “Coronation Street”? How much does a job at the Rover’s or the factory pay given that it can fund endless goodies in the pub or at Roy’s Rolls?
Why does no one own a washing machine in “EastEnders”? And why, after 24 years, does it remain just about the most depressing programme on British television?
Why is Natasha Kaplinsky employed as a newsreader?
Why do Hyde United never make any progress in the FA Cup?
Why do they put coffee-flavoured sweets in Revels when no one likes them?
