Beware a glare from Warren the wicked

THE FRIDAY THING: Life, and other bits of the week

NEVER mind the council’s cash crisis or that lots of teachers seem to think their job is crowd control rather than actually teaching maths and English, the real story of the week has been Dog-poo gate. And if a dog has ever pebble dashed your back gate, you’ll know how nasty it can be.

Now if I mention Failsworth and trouble in the same sentence you will immediately conjure up a picture of wild-eyed Warren Bates, now officially on the dangerous species list.

Failsworth Tory councillor Paul Martin, who certainly doesn’t look like a wimp, told a meeting this week that he generally felt safe on the local streets until he saw Warren. And you have to concede that on a dark night that might be scary.

And to make matters worse for Paul, Warren the wicked glared at him! Actually I think Warren always looks as if he’s glaring, but it could be a trick of the light.

Anyway Warren was not going to waste a good glare and told the meeting that he looked angry because he had seen Paul letting his dog poo in the street. We don’t know what make of dog it was or how big but if a dog wants to poo in the street there’s not a lot you can do about it. That’s why dog walkers have taken to wearing an orange Sainsbury’s bag on one hand like members of some secret sect.

Paul, incensed at this slight on himself and his dog — which might have been potty trained for all we know — invited Warren to go outside. Now whether this was to search for dog poo evidence or to punch Warren on the nose we don’t know because the chairman immediately closed the meeting and sent everyone home, no doubt all walking very carefully.


IS there anyone in the civic centre who can actually do sums? Who, for instance, calculated that a shiny new £17 million Well-being centre in Chadderton could be run on £100,000 a year — £2,000 a week?

Fortunately, someone with 10 fingers and toes — or perhaps an abacus — has finally added up the annual running costs to £811,000. Is it any wonder we are always mired in a financial bog and sinking fast.

After the school dunce had done the initial sums (no doubt a big red “See Me” from Charlie in his sums book) did anyone actually look them over and raise a neatly-manicured eyebrow?

Officers do the work but councillors are there to keep an eye on what they are up to. On this occasion everyone must have had both eyes closed.


FINAL WORD: There seems something odd about the Chinese teachers coming to Oldham to learn. You could better understand our teachers going to China for lessons in discipline. Like a tank in the playground.