Be a good friend, set them up

The Art of Matchmaking

AH, singletons. Poor, poor singletons. Sat, flicking through the TV guide, wondering what to wear for their date with a microwave meal.

If you’re a bit smug because you’re in a relationship, even if it’s a bad one, a good way to get a bit of spark back into your life is by inflicting your superiority on a single friend by volunteering to find them a soul mate.

A complete lack of enthusiasm from your new project should in no way put you off. I’d also completely ignore any suggestions that they’re happy as they are or that they’re enjoying their freedom. They’re single so what do they know anyway?

Of course, you don’t want to set them up with just any old duffer so it’s best to do a bit of research before you start looking for suitable companions.

The first question is, “How desperate are you?” However they answer this, always assume they’re playing down the true state of their loneliness and despair.

In fact, as you get your clipboard out they’re probably looking at you and wondering what’s wrong with them. We’ll soon find out.

Once you’ve given them a desperation rating between one and five, you can start to get a picture of their likes and dislikes.

Is it men, women or goats? Do they enjoy staying in or staying out, walking in the rain or drinking tequila?

By now it will be glaringly obvious why they’re single and it is most likely to be because they’re expecting too much.

Give it to them straight, it’s either looks or personality. It’s greedy to want both although you’ll have to humbly admit that you’ve managed to pull it off.

If romance blossoms you can claim all the credit and if it doesn’t, well, the hunt goes on for someone who’ll have them.

Don’t give up, especially if the single person wants to, it’s not really up to them after all.

The dream for all match-makers is that one of their introductions ends up in marriage.

There are few things more wonderful than to sit down at a wedding knowing you’re going to get a little thank-you in the speech for bringing the happy couple together. Job done, on to your next victim.

And where better to find them than at a wedding? As the night goes on, you’ll begin to spot those who would benefit from your expertise. They’ll either be sharking round the dance floor or under a table.

Those under the table will be in no position to refuse your offer so I’d probably target them first.

Next week… The Art of Investigation