A tale of two Staceys

Channel Hopping: LOOPY Stacey looked like she might still have a few loose ones after being released back into the general public.

Tears, more tears . . . and tales of an incredible journey abound. A rollercoaster if you will. But this wasn’t “X Factor” it was “EastEnders” — and if anything, it was more like the “X Files”. Good old Bradders, as ever, played the Square.

Just when Stace thought she’d escaped the men in white coats, The Doctor himself came beaming back from the dark side to show her into his Tardis. Nerdy Bradley’s rosy cheeks may yet keep the ice-maiden warm over Christmas.

GENUINELY, on the other hand, (excuse me while I hunch up my trousers) Simon “genuinely” Cowell was starting to chafe on “The X Factor”. Joe was a genuine winner although it was really no contest following Stacey Solomon’s exit — especially when Olly came out doing his fake Shakin’ Stevens dance (again) not to mention Robbie Williams missing his cue in the cringe-worthy “Angels” duet. This ol’ house is glad it’s all over.

SUSAN BOYLE — a talented, if unlikely superstar she may be, but with that uncomfortable swagger and five o’clock shadow, I dreamed a dream she was really Pub Landlord Al Murray in drag. Rumour has it she’s taken over from Tiger Woods as the face of Gillette.

KATIE PRICE claimed sleeping with cockroaches was something she never intended doing again on “I’m a Celeb — we’ll drag another hour out of it, Coming Out”, or whatever the needless jungle follow-up was called. Dwight Yorke, Peter Andre and cross-dressing cage-fighter Alex Reid are the ones we know about, so time will tell.

LINE of the week? Stand-up supremo Rob Brydon describing his wife part-way through giving birth. “She had a head up there and a head down there — she looked like a playing card.”

Soap roar: Hot-pot queen Betty judging The Rovers’ panto auditions — proving those Corrie comedy gems aren’t behind us just yet, despite the passing of queen-mother of the one-liners, Blanche.

Soap bore: Dev’s estranged wife Sunita stepping back on to the cobbles. She hasn’t been mentioned for years — and Dev slept right through it (Maya, Tara, Tara’s mum and now Bernie) so why is he suddenly bothered now?