Addicted to putting the blame on parents

THE FRIDAY THING: POLICE in Failsworth (contrary to the fevered fulminations of local contributors to our letters page they do drop in there every now and again) recently carried out a blitz on underage drinking and collected the usual haul of cheap cider, vodka and lager. So no surprise there then.

But what was surprising was that the youngest person found in possession of booze was 14 when you might have expected him — or these days her (“Ooh, our Tamsin’s a real character, you’d never think she was only six the way she downs her dad’s vodka and puffs away on his fags”) to be a recent graduate of nursery school.

Oh and did you know that if you are a parent the high tides of blood and vomit that wash through town centre streets at weekends are all your fault? So says the Chief Medical Officer Sir Liam Donaldson, no less.

According to Sir Liam teaching youngsters responsible drinking and taking the mystique out of alcohol by letting them have a watered down glass of wine on special family occasions is planting seeds destined to end as a fallen bloom with its head in the gutter and its liver in a jar in a black museum of medical horrors.

There is no mention of supermarket prices; of unscrupulous off licences owners who let kids barely out of nappies buy cheap bottles of booze that would burn holes in your shoes or, indeed, the Government that allowed round-the-clock drinking and as-much-as-you-can-drink-for-a-fiver deals.

And what about planning laws that allow every other premises in a town centre to be some vast, temporarily trendy bar or a takeaway? Could that be the fault of rules that do not allow councils to limit the numbers?

I know where my money goes — and that doesn’t mean I’m a gambling addict because my dad had a flutter on the Grand National every year.


“TEENAGERS in mumps warning” was an intriguing headline. Did it mean that the bridge was about to collapse or that the famous “Home of the Tubigrip Bandage” sign might be a corrupting influence turning young teens to Egyptian mummyism (and if you’ve got an Egyptian mum, no racial or religious slur intended).

It was of course the childhood illness which can strike teenagers with particularly nasty consequences for boys. Among other symptoms, it can cause severe and painful swelling of the testicles but you can’t get a wheelbarrow on the NHS to carry them in.


FINAL WORD: The end of the cheque will have devastating consequences for those debtors for whom the overdue payment is in the post. Ingenuity being what it is, they’re bound to come up with a new excuse.