Marriages made in soapland’s TV hell

CHANNEL HOPPING:

BREAKING up is supposed to be hard to do — pity no-one told the prime-time TV schedulers on New Year’s Day.

Weddings might have been all the rage as we moved into 2010 — but there was precious little happiness about any of them . . . unless you count “EastEnders” when cheating Syed told mum he was gay.

Honestly, the big day has seldom felt so . . . long. We were forced to endure the grand ceremony with Amira almost in its entirety. What happened to the who killed Archie storyline? And the Mitchells being kicked out of the Vic? No wonder Phil’s back on the booze.


IN “Coronation Street”, Steve and Becky wondered if their marriage had been a big mistake as the great baby debate continued. The jury’s still out on Gail’s upcoming nuptials with Joe and after Kevin came tantalisingly close to ending things with Sally, he opted to give mistress Molly the boot instead.


Kev’s really blown it now. Rosie gave him a broken roller skate — and he couldn’t even patch that up.


COACH driver Dave was overtaken at the altar as “Gavin and Stacey” came to a shuddering halt. Love rival Smiffy put his foot down to whisk boot-clad bride Nessa away from his clutches with seconds to spare.


It was a fitting end to an enjoyable third series which finally saw Stace eating for two and Nessa and Smith (who always eat for two) living happily ever after with baby Neil. And it’s more than a pregnant pause this time as we said farewell to the Shipmans, the Wests and the Sutcliffes, not to mention filthy toy-boy chaser Dor and “fishing trip” Bryn.

Writers James Corden and Ruth Jones have vowed to ditch those killer lines for good — which, when you think about it, is probably for the best — with love and honour. In health, not sickness.


SOAP ROAR: Tyrone was “happy as a sandbag” in Corrie. And it wasn’t the only mis-pronunciation in the New Year’s Day episode. Audrey was struck down with a terrible “me-green”. More than a few headaches that day then.


SOAP BORE: Rickaay and Bianca are engaged to be married again. At long last . . . but how long will it last?