Booze, boobs, Becky and baby

CHANNEL HOPPING: BECKY was in bits . . . had brandy for breakfast then bolted to the bus stop with a bin-bag and more booze. Cue Hayley: “There’s something the matter . . . I can tell.”

But Weatherfield’s tart with a heart was grieving for her dead mum and “B” was for baby. All her darling drunk Steve has to do now is convince her to keep it — the baby not the booze.

“B” was also for bigger bosoms for Rosie. But she made a boob by bottling out of the breast op. Just as well, she could already take someone’s eye out with those bazookas.


::“WE’RE burying our dad — not having a tooth out,” raged Roxy on her way to Archie’s funeral in “EastEnders”. Dressed in that Michael Jackson-style hat, she looked all set to dance on his grave.

Ronnie, Peggy and Janine were at each other’s throats before he’d even gone cold. Poor old Archie. He had two nags pulling his coffin and at least another four following it.


:: “THE Jedwards” — as Jonathan Ross insisted on calling them — did little to sway their reputation as those thick talentless twins off “The X Factor” on “Friday Night With”.

Like a pair of little leprechauns full of fizzy pop, Irish duo John and Edward’s timing was worse than ever — and they didn’t even sing. Woss couldn’t get a word in. Priceless.


::A NEW chapter on the Chatsworth Estate began with job-shy, sponging waste of space Frank (according to youngest son Liam) working as a lollipop man then getting off with a librarian in “Shameless”.

Debbie went AWOL (we were later told she’d joined the Army). You couldn’t make it up.

This lively comedy drama was an absolute hoot once upon a time, but the latest series might have been better left on the cutting room floor.

Soap roar: Ex-Latics striker-turned-actor Chris Hall made his debut on the Street — anyone spot him? Hope the scouts at Weathy County weren’t monitoring his performance as he knocked back a pint with Steve McDonald.

Soap bore: Just when Gail thought the honeymoon period was over, debt-dodger Joe booked her another holiday in the Lakes . . . the last thing she wanted after ex-hubby Richard Hillman drove her into the canal.