Coming clean in a shower

Council Survey:


OLDHAM police chief Caroline Ball was guest of honour at last night’s gathering of the sister and brotherhood.

I know: after four years’ brilliant service against the bad guys as a sort of Wyatt Earp in a skirt, it does seem more than a bit cruel, but on a night of unanimity and what passes in the chamber for good humour, she needed neither truncheon nor whistle.

She did, however, light a spark (more of a bonfire really) of incredulity when she told us that she had been talking to Howard Sykes in the shower.

First what size of shower could anyone get in with our rotund leader and secondly, isn’t that sort of caper up to the ball-kicking, bat and club waving fraternity?

But there was nothing untoward here. Caroline reported her 10 o’clock, through-the-door shower chat with Howard not only to underline his hygiene credentials but also his commitment to his job of leading the council, still in the civic centre at that time of night.

And there was praise all round for Caroline’s contribution to Oldham (apart from chatting to people in showers and, maybe, passing the soap) for not only did Howard say that Oldham’s own super cool Miss Marple was his “current favourite woman in uniform” but Kay Knox reported that she was the pin-up of the Chelsea Pensioners who visit Oldham for Remembrance Sunday.

Not quite Brad Pitt, I know, but still, it’s good to be loved. If all this seems like a grand diversion from the crucial business of the night it is because whatever the business was, it certainly wasn’t crucial to Oldham.

For instance, what difference will it make to local folk living on dripping butties while rain and snow comes in through the roof (hyperbole, I know but you get the picture) if we have a cricket match with the Australians at Old Trafford? None, for none is about right.

But John McCann and Phil Holley, presumably captain and vice-captain of the Lib-Dems tiddlywinks team, wanted us to become all sporting with Test cricket at Old Trafford and Olympians training in Oldham.

Phil said that he wouldn’t be entering the Olympics because he had injured himself in training. “I fell off the bar,” he said and it was probably a joke. The laughter (after three hours of council you will laugh at anything) helped to stir the Mayor from one of his drifting moments and wherever he had drifted to was clearly far better than where he was).

Of course the fact that Oldham has the worst sporting facilities in Greater Manchester was not mentioned although Christine Wheeler had the opportunity to tell us that had the autographs of cricketers Brian Close and John Edrich. A worthy contribution.

Apparently Dave Hibbert is the chairman of Oldham’s Olympic Committee (I know, what Olympic committee? Even Dave didn’t seem to know we had one) but said he would do the long jump.

“For the high jump, more like,” said one of the wags on his own side.

Jim McMahon ended the levity when he condemned the investigation into the Millergate affair, saying that the inquiry conducted by a hand-picked investigator will be viewed as a whitewash and said that our leader, more shower washed than whitewashed, had seen the terms of reference for the inquiry.

Indignant Howard denied it with some force and Jim withdrew, pointing out that he had been told the leader was aware of the terms, but that, of course, is a far cry from having seen them.

And so to another crucial issue: how many written questions has parish councillor Ken Hulme, not be confused with Chadderton’s true blue Jack Hulme, submitted and how much did they cost to answer?

Apparently Hulme’s personal inquisition led to nine questions in the past 18 months, that cost £1,475 in officers’ time to answer.

To find out that little gem, Stephen Fairbrother asked seven questions in one go, so will Ken now write back to ask how much those questions cost? I wouldn’t be at all surprised.




Reports from Oldham council meeting: see news section