Kevin Fitzpatrick

Come dine with TV, or go hungry

The art of WATCHING TELLY: Back in the days before telly, people had no option but to talk to each other, poor things. Now, if we do ever speak to those we live with, it tends to be about what we’re going to watch on the box.

Critics have described it as a hypnotic drug, chewing gum for the brain. They claim it breeds ignorance and that in the smallest book shop you’ll find more ideas of worth than in the entire history of television. But I’m guessing they’ve not seen “Come Dine with Me”.

Hundreds of channels beam visual treats 24 hours a day so it’s a wonder we have time to do anything except watch telly. Lots of people don’t.

There’s so much choice that to sit through an entire programme you have to ignore the niggling feeling that you’re bound to find something better than this rubbish if you turn over.

TV has enabled us to see things for ourselves which we could previously only have imagined.

Nature programmes have shown us lionesses stalking their prey on an African plain, period dramas have helped us gain a better understanding of the aristocrats of 18th century England while “Celebrity Big Brother” gave us George Galloway pretending to be a cat.

Some programmes can be mesmerising, like Alan Titchmarsh’s chat show, while special TV moments have the power to unite the nation.

It used to be the Queen’s speech and Morecambe and Wise, but now it’s “Th’Xfactor” and the “Cash in the Attic Christmas Special”.

But soaps are the glue which binds us together. More likely a favourite with the women in the household, men like to walk into the front room and shake their head in disgust before asking what’s going on.

“I thought he was married to her?” It doesn’t go down well. We’re even less keen on “How to look good naked” because we already know.

TV can get addictive though. The movie legend Orson Welles once said, “I hate television. I hate it as much as I hate peanuts. But I can’t stop eating peanuts.”

He would have loved “Come Dine with Me” when Jean from Dorset cooked Peanuts a la King.

But however much you love your telly, you should always remind yourself that watching is not at the same as doing something with your life.

If you wake up and all you’ve got to look forward to is watching “EastEnders”, it’s time to make a change.

I’d recommend you try “Emmerdale”. There are a few more laughs in that one.




Next week: The Art of being Hygienic.