Valentine surprise just for the girls

LIFE AND OTHER BITS: Valentine’s Day this weekend; have you got somewhere about the house, shed or garage that scarlet basque (10 sizes too small at a 12) that you just know is what she’s really always wanted? Still, it’ll make a secure straitjacket for you while she pummels you to bits.

This is the trouble with men (do I hear cries of “THE” trouble, what about the hundreds of others?) not being multi-taskers like our beautiful, alluring and intelligent women (brownie points for me there, lads) we find it difficult to shop and to think what someone might actually want at the same time.

How many Christmas, birthday or anniversary presents have you bought her that, after an initial Oscar-winning show of feigned gratitude she either throws out, takes to a charity shop, that simply disappears or that comes out of hiding on the cosy nights in with the girls when there is much merriment, outrageous rudeness and liver damage done?

If men had any sense they would know that buying women something to wear (usually after seeing something that would look good on Jennifer Lopez) is guaranteed to fail. After all, women can’t decide what to buy for themselves (some even take us with them to ask our opinion — how daft is that?).

With a vocabulary that never extends beyond “very nice”, “suits you”, “err, yes” , “no, it’s not too tight (big, bright, dull, shiny, short, long)” we are as helpful as a third shoe.

So, get her a soppy card, some long-stemmed red roses, a bottle of something bubbly or her favourite perfume (but only if you’re sure it is her favourite and not the one Jean in admin wears) and who knows you might - just might, mind you - get lucky.




HERE’S something from the list of interesting facts you couldn’t live without knowing. It takes two minutes 50 seconds to travel a mile across Oldham, five seconds longer than in 2006/7 and two seconds longer than 2007/8?



Is this a full-time job? Where is it advertised? And what qualifications do you need apart from, apparently, an ability to run a bit slower than you did three years ago; Oh, and be able to tell the time.

It never ceases to amaze me just how many extraordinary jobs are out there and that some poor soul actually has to do them.

And, just a thought, is it an offence to drive with a stopwatch in hand?




FINAL WORD: Everything I read about Vance Miller convinces me that he would make an excellent mayor. Shoving a pen up the nostril of someone who annoyed him is just what we need in Oldham to get things done.