Childbirth — the times are changing

PAV’S PATCH:

MY son arrived home from school the other day and told me that he and his classmates had watched a film of a woman giving birth.

When it finished, the teacher had turned to the girls and asked how many of them planned to become nuns. Apparently the “yes” vote totalled 100 per cent.

Being an old fogey I raised an eyebrow, since my son is only 11. At his age I had worked out the mechanics of reproduction but was struggling to come to terms with the fact that men and women — like my parents — actually had to touch each other for procreation to begin.

I had broached the subject with my mother but she told me to be quiet and watch the television while my sister quietly chortled in the background.

Of course, I shouldn’t have raised an eyebrow. Given the times we live in I suppose I should have been grateful my son wasn’t telling me he had got a girl in trouble (now there’s an old-fashioned term). But it did set me thinking.

I was actually quite old when I became a father. I was 40 when my wife announced her pregnancy and I used to feel like a visiting pensioner whenever we went for scans and that type of thing.

I was so naive in all things baby that I honestly believed morning sickness ended at noon. Well why give it such a daft name if it lasts all day?

And didn’t I suffer during the birth. You wouldn’t believe how hard she dug her nails into my hand, yet I got not a word of sympathy from anyone.

But of course my experience of childbirth was very different to my father’s when I was born, way back in 1957.

He returned home from work one evening to find his tea ready but also my mother telling him she had started labour.

Big sis was sent to the phone box near to Dukinfield Town Hall and mother was eventually whistled off to Aspland Maternity Home, Hyde, in an ambulance.

At six the following morning, dad wandered over to the local newsagent’s on King Street and Mr Lowry phoned Aspland. Yes, a son had been born and mother and child were doing well.

So th’owd chap then made his way to work, did a full day of engineering, came home, had his tea, and then caught the bus to Hyde.

I was the best part of 24 hours old before he saw me and he was then shouted at by a nurse for daring to pick me up and kiss me without official permission.