Chat and move to avoid cold shoulder

THE ART OF MINGLING:

You’ll know if you’re not very good at mingling because at parties you’ll end up stood on your own on the stairs, looking at photographs of people you don’t know.

You’ll smile because they’re smiling but inside you’re dying a little. You look enviously at those people who are scattered around the room, chatting and chuckling with apparent ease, and I’m guessing, you wonder what time you can reasonably set off home.

But there really is nothing to fear. If you can listen and speak, you can mingle. As long as you keep on moving, people won’t have time to realise you’re boring.

The dynamics of human interaction mean mingling is best done in groups of three. You’re all equal if you form a triangle and I recommend you relax and stand open, believing that you have just as much to contribute as anyone else. Be fun and engaging. If that’s beyond you just nod, even, and especially, if you’ve no idea what they’re talking about.

Easy discussion topics when mingling are your job, leisure activities and the last film you saw. It’s best to avoid politics, ex-partners and your mum. If you can present yourself as a bit quirky or mysterious, all the better. I drop in the fact that I used to work at a circus before I walk away to leave them wanting more. I wasn’t an acrobat, I was the only one who could get the tent back in the bag, but they don’t need the full details.

Always change groups before you outstay your welcome. The mingling arena can be heartless and brutal. Dull people quickly get cut out of the equation so walk before you’re pushed. It’s likely you’ll come back around again later, a bit like a Lazy Susan, so remember which insteresting facts you’ve inflicted on which people. Repeating yourself is the mother of all mingling evils.

Forcing yourself on a group of people who are look quite happy without you is one of mingling’s most difficult manoeuvres. Target a chink of space on the edge and shove your way in, using your hips to knock people out of the way.

If you set high standards for yourself, do the same for those you mingle with. It’s exhausting enough without getting lumbered with the parking attendant who has a fascination with feet all night. Cut them out and send them on their way with a sharp jolt of the hips.

As you gain in confidence you’ll probably wonder what all the fuss was about but don’t get cocky because a comment out of turn can bring all your hard work crashing down. Do push the boundaries for comic effect but always consider how what you say might be received.

I once got myself in trouble when I started telling a blonde joke only to realise the minglers in the section of room next to me were all in fact blonde. “Go on then,” one of them piped up with an unnecessary snarl, “tell us as well if you’re so clever.” “No you’re alright,” I said, “I’m not explaining it four times.”


Next week: The Art of Making Toast