Booted, but certainly not suited

CHANNEL HOPPING: WELLINGTON boots were the only clue for the pseudo-talented teens as they trudged off to week two of “Junior Apprentice”.

Sugar daddy (don’t call me Al) told the young wannabes to design – and pitch – camping gear for Glastonbury. Simple then – a funky tent and camping stove to match would have the young entrepreneurs cooking on gas.

Bless their little souls. Like all 16-year-olds, they had much bigger ideas. The self-styled starlets ran round in circles for most of the day, made atrocious decisions then buried their heads in the sand – most of them, never having been to a music festival.

A cardboard cupboard and fluorescent sledge summed up a turgid day’s work. Sugar should have lorded it the only way he can. Sledge idea – don’t get carried away, and flimsy watcha-ma-callit . . . next!

Instead, the serial sacker appeared to have left an important part of his brain somewhere in a muddy field as he banged on about lack of “saols” (sales) then confirmed Argos had placed 3,000 orders for the sledgey thing. S’ralan, you’re fired.


“LET’S get those garlic-munchers to put down their horse burgers and get some work done,” was the best line in the last-ever “Ashes to Ashes”, as Gene Hunt alerted Euro-plod to the latest case. The rest of the final episode, however, was lost in translation. Apparently, they’re all dead — including the Gene genius himself. Even the Quattro died. Shame.


TRACY framed Gail from behind bars in “Coronation Street” after it emerged a rolling pin had been found hidden behind a wardrobe following Joe’s death. “It was to stop him baking,” said the accused. Joe must have been one hell of a bad cook.

Meanwhile, oddball Graeme attracted some admiring, if unlikely, glances from top Corrie totty Rosie and Tina. After standing up the former, it’s clear Graeme’s true heart lies with agoraphobic Tina . . . back to her place then.


Soap roar: “You have to get behind him” — the family’s reaction to Syed’s sexuality therapist in “EastEnders”.


Soap bore: Phil Mitchell: hardman “EastEnders” gangster. Ben Mitchell: ballet dancing softy. Like father, like son they are not. But when Ben slapped down bully boy Jordan in the Arches, it was like dad had finally made a connection. Phil and Ben — the dour-plot men.