Hibbert’s late-show nightmare

COUNCIL SURVEY: A FERRET, a meerkat, the snake in Jungle Book and an old war-horse were all star performers on the Late Show that ushered Mayor Councillor David Jones into his chain, or should that be chains, of office.

The late ferret — not a dead one but one who ferreted as member without portfolio on cabinet — was Dave Hibbert, who had a ’mare, that of the nightmare variety rather than of female horse.

He blamed a clock that he can’t change on his car for missing the big moment of proposing Big DJ for the top top. Big mistake — huge!

Then, with John Hudson seizing his moment by doing his full Sunday-best comedy routine at the absent clockwatcher’s expense, in bowled Hibbert — with timing that would have earned Morecambe and Wise a standing ovation.

It got worse for the ferret. He rose to pay tribute to those who had dearly departed from the chamber — not dead, just not enough votes — but did so having been told to do so at a minute’s notice. Is this the effective opposition then, Jim?

The meerkat came along to cheer outgoing Mayor Jim McArdle. The cuddly Dr Kershaw’s fundraiser (the meerkat, not McArdle) looked like he had had some of the falling-down juice and struggled to stay upright (again, the meerkat not McArdle).

And “snake” was the charming description of Big DJ in an encore from Hudson — why have a one-liner when ten will do?

Hudson was comparing McArdle’s year-long smile-fest to the new Mayor’s year ahead: “You won’t frighten the children, will you?”

And the old war-horse? Who else but John Battye, chomping at the bit to get into the chamber once the splendid lunch had concluded.

It took him seconds to rise to his feet on a point or order, questioning how the party that lost and the party that won no seats at the election were able to form a cabinet and then do away with the “without portfolio” role — not kill the late Hibbert, you understand, just drop the position.

The Sykes “juggernaut” and the Hulme “Trabant” — off on a road to nowhere, according to Battye. I thought that was Max and Paddy, but John enjoyed being back anyway.

Latterly, the borough’s first citizen used his first day at the helm to warn he will come down hard on tedium and repetition. All wafflers beware.

Early finishes to council meetings? King David of Wales rules, OK.