Vuvuzela is not the only annoying drone

Channel hopping:

AN angry swarm of bees, the worst motorway traffic jam in history or the sound of Robert Green’s backside after his fumble in the jungle — whatever it sounds like, the vuvuzela horn has become the soundtrack to South Africa 2010.

When the hosts kicked off the month-long festival against Mexico, however, there was a different kind of monotone drone filling the airwaves — courtesy of ITV anchorman Adrian Chiles. The self-styled Brighter Side’s big summer signing raised the curtain on the Rainbow Nation with an uneasiness that had security teams scrambled for action and lifted the lid on his inexperience at the highest level. TV presenting at altitude clearly got to the down-to-earth Brummie.

One of his gems included: “It’s England v USA tomorrow, in a game we simply must win.” You’re not on “The One Show” now Chilesy. It was only the first group game, so in reality, simply not the case. A good thing, too, seeing as we didn’t win it.

“The tournament wouldn’t be the same without Australia,” was another baffling statement a couple of nights later. Yes it would. The Socceroos didn’t know whether to kick it, throw it or sup it in their 4-0 surrender to the Germans.

Chiles isn’t alone. For the last four years, or certainly the last four weeks, so-called experts talked the talk until preview drivel and build-up babble inevitably gave way to actual football.

Over on the BBC, Ronseal Lineker — out of the woodwork again — is skippering its coverage, flanked by Messrs Shearer and Hansen . . . and the show does exactly what it says on the tin. What it failed to mention however, was how Manchester City’s Emmanuel Adebayor made the pundit team when it’s virtually impossible to decipher a single word he says.

Can the Three Lions finally roar to victory? Don’t count on it. But after 44 years of going without, it’s time to sit back and think of England.


Soap roar: Caught up on Corrie yet? What a week in Weatherfield. Gail acquitted of murder, Roy Cropper’s proposal and a gun siege at the factory ending with a pair of jailbirds in body bags after Tony ended it all by torching the place to the ground while still inside. Flamin’ eck.


Soap bore: “Cor . . . sour-faced old mare ain’t she.” Shirley’s verdict on Anne Robinson while watching “The Weakest Link” in “EastEnders”. Not, it should be made clear, the moment she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror first thing in the morning.