BB being swamped by Lineker and Co

CHANNEL HOPPING: GOOD news and bad news. Let’s get the bad news out of the way first. If watching 11 attention-seeking spoilt brats with a penchant for throwing a tantrum is your thing, the England football team are already back home.

And the good news? “Big Brother” is up and running and no-one is even the slightest bit interested.

Unless you’re actually one of the housemates (and if you’re reading this, I’m guessing probably not) then you can’t fail to have noticed there’s a World Cup going on — and precious little else worth watching on the box. Like there’s a choice.

A quick flick through the channels though, and after a goalless Greece-Argentina first-half, a rare glimpse of joy.

In the “Things you wouldn’t expect a doctor to say” round on “Mock the Week”, stand-up comic Russell Howard’s line about having acute angina cannot be repeated in a family newspaper. Quite shocking really, I mean, talk about things you wouldn’t expect Russell Howard to be — ie, funny.

Back to the clash of the tight ’uns though, and co-commentator Mick McCarthy went one better.

“If there’s any paint not dry in this new stadium, I suggest the fans go and watch it,” said the most northern man in the universe, shortly after doffing his cap, feeding a tripe butty to a passing whippet and heading off to the nearest working men’s club this side of Barnsley.
You could be forgiven for thinking the new series of “Top Gear” (hurrah) had started early during the BBC’s coverage of Japan-Denmark. Spurs boss Harry Redknapp played the part of “Star in a reasonably priced car” when he said he liked Honda but wouldn’t swap for Bentley . . . infinitely more entertaining than those annoying cars-playing-football Hyundai commercials on ITV.

And at least it took the starch out of Alan “The Stig” Shearer’s shirt. Captain Slow Hansen even raised a smile (at Shearer’s shirt).

Mark Lawrenson took the “great sporting insights” chequered flag though, when in the latter stages of England-Slovenia, he reasoned: “Watching England is a great cure for constipation.” How true.

Soap roar: David, while chained to a radiator, threw a brick through ex-girlfriend Tina’s window on “Coronation Street”. His best friend Graeme, while all-but chained to Tina (still with me?) proved he had at last broken his duck with the desperate housewives of Weatherfield. What a smasher.

Soap BORE No wonder the Branning kids didn’t want their dad to see Tanya in “EastEnders” . . . she’s put on another two stone.