Havin’ it large in the sun

LIFE AND OTHER BITS: WITH weather expected to perk up again over the next few days we will all have the opportunity to see David Cameron’s Big Society in all its pink and white glory.

When the sun comes out, out come the big bellies, big bottoms, multiple chins, ghostly-white legs and the growing blotches of sunburn, spreading on torsos like spilled red ink.

What is it about the sun that makes the very people who should, for all of our sakes as well as their own, stay firmly covered up, think it is somehow attractive and desirable to bare all, or very nearly all?

Clearly some people have no shame and think it’s OK to walk around town as if they were on a blazing beach on the Costas. Men are worse than women (I know, women think that is true in all things) and are quick to take off the too tight Extra, Extra large football shirt that usually conceals their blossoming bulk.

Hiding from view only the bits they haven’t seen themselves for some years (I leave that to your imagination) they bask in the sun, fag in one hand, can in the other, leering at passing females. Handsome devils all, how could you resist?

Oldham’s finest to be sure and definitely the Big Society and getting bigger every day.

WHAT a week! Tory Schools Secretary Michael Gove sets an excellent example to the kids by producing a report that has 22 blunders in it (detention methinks); there are claims that, over the last 11 years the local hospital trust has had 3,000 more people die in its premises — including the Royal Oldham — than expected (on the bright side that’s only 270 odd a year!) and Latics saviours Simon Blitz and Danny Gazal have decided to take their ball home.

In other words, it has not been a good week for Oldham or for Oldhamers unless you were one of the 120 folk who claimed a share of £6million for tripping up and falling over, or better still, one of the legal eagles who represented them out of the goodness of your heart and your bank account.

It’s less a case of “Mind how you go” than walk about Oldham with your eyes closed. It clearly pays not to watch where you are going at all.

And the lawyers will be happy to hear that there is little chance of this clumsiness jackpot coming to an end. Money that’s paid out in compensation comes out of the fund set up to repair potholes, cracked and uneven pavements and the like, thus ensuring that the £7.5billion bonanza paid out to compensation lawyers in the UK last year will be with us for ever.


FINAL WORD: The good news is that we Oldham folk are living longer — but after a week of bad news do we really want to?