Flying tart makes it Carry-On Corrie

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IN soap life, there’s one thing even more certain than death and taxes.

And that’s the fact that, on occasion, Phil Mitchell will go on a massive booze binge in “EastEnders” and Corrie will go all “Carry-on” before our very eyes. This week’s offerings were no exception.

Alcoholic crack addict Phil hit rock bottom in “EastEnders” – in between threats, grunts and groans ... he almost smiled.

An almighty bender had Peggy’s dearest toking on Class A one-liners when Shirley caught him in bed with another desperate user.

“She saved my life . . . I had to thank her somehow,” slurred the Walford firebrand.

Phil might have been smiling on the outside, but he was bubbling beneath the surface . . . so much so, they had to evacuate the café when the smelly article nipped in for a brew later on.

Meanwhile, on the somewhat cheerier cobbles, Lewis’s hair-brained scheme to whisk Audrey away from the salon for a new life in Alonissos was greasy right from the start.

So when the smooth-talking gigolo was finally unmasked as nothing more than a deceitful two-timing scoundrel, it was clear the Greek odyssey was never going to happen and Audrey was the only poor sap in Weatherfield who didn’t see it coming. The biggest surprise was that doting-daughter Gail would be the one dishing out the hairdryer treatment.

Odds-on Deidre’s penchant for a cheeky glass of afternoon red leading to more than mere head-fuzz were a thousand-to-one. But her desperate dash over the road for a corkscrew had allowed Lewis free reign on the betting shop till and a passport to £4,000. Not content with that, he then seduced the worst bookies’ assistant in history upon her return.

Lewis’s big win didn’t ring true with betting shop chief Peter, who examined CCTV footage and laid bare the whole sordid scenario before Audrey’s shocked guests at her own would-be leaving do.

Gail flung a Manchester tart in Deidre’s face – the cake obviously being closer to hand than Leanne Battersby. What a carry-on.



Soap roar: Bianca and Ricky’s “Dallas” role-play revelation also teetered into farcical territory in “EastEnders”. I’ve heard of Debbie does Dallas but not Dallas does chavvy.


Soap bore: Salon-gate. When Audrey thought she was leaving for Greece, the question was who would she leave in charge, Natasha or Marioh. The answer: who cares.