UK versus Germany... it’s really no contest

PAV’S PATCH: I HAVE commented before that our European cousins are not like us, but this fact was hammered home to me very forcefully when I recently spent a couple of hours at Frankfurt Airport.

Attempting to while away an hour or so I wandered into a shop and found a book chronicling one of Germany’s greatest successes.

And do you know what this lavish full-colour volume was devoted to? A sporting or military achievement? No, the Eurovision Song Contest.

The people of Germany really seem to think they did something spectacular when Lena Meyer-Landrut beat off centres of musical excellence like Iceland, Moldova and Azerbaijan to win Eurovision 2010 with “Satellite”.

Thumbing through the book I found pictures of her triumphant return from Oslo. Can you believe that as her plane landed in, I assume, Berlin, the pilots opened the flight-deck windows and waved huge German flags?

I’ll bet the Aussies didn’t make a fuss like that when they became the first country to seize the Americas Cup from the US for about 200 years.

But it gets better. Fraulein Meyer-Landrut was then taken to meet the president of the republic. And all because she won the Eurovision Song Contest. I mean, beyond being able to sing — and I use the term loosely given some of the previous winners — what skill is involved?

OK, I know we can massively over-react in the UK. You only have to go back five years to our Ashes victory, when Tony Blair showered the England team with MBEs; or 2004, when Kelly Holmes was made a dame of the British Empire within minutes of winning her second Olympic gold. But at least these were sporting events — not a camp international comedy show.

Perhaps it’s all down to politicians wanting to ride the coat-tails of other people’s achievements. But, and sorry to say it again, flight-deck flags for the Eurovision Song Contest?

However, I’m sure the good people of continental Europe would be very annoyed about what I’m saying.

They clearly believe Eurovision to be on a par with Nobel prizes and often criticise us for not taking the competition seriously enough.

They felt Terry Wogan was always taking the mick out of it.

I can only wonder what might have happened if Germany had won the World Cup. Would the players have received the EU equivalent of peerages?

I reckon they are bound to make a biopic about Paul the psychic octopus.