No lifelines as Dan is sunk by poor sales

CHANNEL HOPPING:

“IT’S sink or swim — and I don’t do lifejackets,” growled Lord Sugar as 16 new recruits clambered aboard all-new “The Apprentice”.

Sausage-making was the ship of hope for the latest wet-behind-the-ears crew tasked with first making perfect porkers and then flogging them to an unsuspecting London public.

The shouty girls soon shored up rising costs on a gourmet menu with swift business in the marketplace while the clueless lads foundered with their budget-banger routine.

Bully-boy Dan, who skippered the blokes’ team on a voyage of drudgery, was asking for a grilling from the start.

“I’ll lead the team, you do all the work,” wasn’t the kind of project management ‘you can’t call me Sir Al anymore’ had in mind.

“Dan, the message from your colleagues is not good,” proclaimed the Lord as desperate Dan said his prayers.

“You had your chance and you blew it — Dan, you’re fired.”

One down then, 15 to go, as the teams venture into the beach accessories market tonight in a bid to earn a place at Sugar’s top table. That lifejacket may come in handy after all.




WHEN “The X-Factor” hit the front pages following Gamu’s controversial exit last week, the show’s producers must have been laughing all the way to the bank. They couldn’t have bought publicity like that for what is turning out to be a distinctly average contest this year.



No doubt even more viewers tuned in to see what all the fuss was about as the first live shows got under way. And when the big “twist” was revealed — four more hopefuls given wildcard entries — that meant an increase in contestants too.

So, more viewers and more singers, but the main issue remained exactly the same. Gamu — the best talent by a million miles in the auditions — still wasn’t there. And yet the chronic Wagner was given a second chance . . . now that’s what I call a twist.




Soap roar: No wonder Chesney looked worried when his girlfriend’s dad made short shrift of him for sleeping with Katy in “Coronation Street”. The man’s corrugated tone makes him sound like a cross between Gene Hunt and Bernard Manning.






Soap bore: I can’t decide if granny Grace, the Nigerian contender for Dot’s Christian of the year award in “EastEnders”, is being played by an extremely bad actress or is the least convincing character the Square has ever seen.